Formulaic True Love; The Proposal Review

For all ten of you that watch "Arrested Development" you'll get this joke, this is the real world equivalent of "Love Indubitably." What i mean by that is that this film is the most generic romance movie i have seen in awhile. It is punch for punch predictable and for being a "romantic comedy" it's not very funny. The story is all about Sandra Bullock finding out she's gonna get deported to Canada and lose her job. So she fakes an engagement with Ryan Reynolds. She's the uptight, mean lady and he's the down to earth everyman, and they have to spend the weekend together in Alaska for Reynold's grandmas birthday...Hilarity ensues! If you couldn't tell that last part was sarcasm...hilarity is few and far between. There are two scenes in the movie i thought were funny, Bullock and Reynolds making up their engagement story and some random stuff that came during the credits. Sandra and Ryan are ok, if not, like the rest of the film predictable, would it be a spoiler to say that by the end of the movie they fall for one another despite their "wacky" differences? The best performance came from Oscar Nunez, better known as "Oscar" from "The Office", mainly because he is the complete opposite of the character from that show. This is also where I'm just gonna come out and say it...Betty White? Really, Betty White? Why the hell is everybody so enamored with her. Is she funny because she says things that old people don't normally say? She's never said anything that has particularly made me laugh...Still don't see what all the fuss is about. She just spouts one liners the whole movie, she is basically filling the role of some wise cracking 10 year old. Whatever, you all can enjoy your unfunny elderly women, maybe I'm just crazy. In summation this movie will do nothing to surprise you. Wacky hi jinks ensue, two completely opposite people fall in love, and i almost expected a big "funny" dance scene at the end. If you really really like romantic comedies than you might like this, mostly because it is like every other stereotypical romantic comedy out there. It doesn't try hard to be different, so I'm not gonna try to give it more than a 2 outta 5.

Hot Topic Makes a Movie;The Alice in Wonderland Review/Rant

Tim Burton is a marketing genius...How so? Just take a look at "Alice in Wonderland" a "sequel" to the animated Disney film. Don't get me wrong, i like Burton, i honestly really liked "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" but honestly at this point Mr.Burton has worn out this style, "Wonderland" is the death throughs of the "Burton-Depp" genre. What exactly is this genre you ask? Well it's taking Burton's directing, Johnny Depp's Jack Sparrow performance, and emo/goth/hipster style and blending it until it's a generic mess that the Tweens will eat up with the ferocity of a rabid dog at a kitten buffet. There is very little personality, just a very superficial "quirk, and if i know young teens they're all about superficiality. The movie is BORING the story is almost "Chronicles of Narnia", and the acting, well the actors certainly were present. Johnny Depp plays Jack Sparrow with a Scottish accent and face paint, Anne Hathaway seems to be stoned out of her mind the entire time (can't blame her), and Alice, the MAIN CHARACTER, is entirely forgettable. The only people that stand out at all are Helena Bonham Carter as the Red Queen and Alan Rickman as the Caterpillar. Its amazing that a world that looks so cool can be so dull. Oh, and I'm usually a proponent of CGI but everything in this movie was done with computers...Even a horse...A HORSE, Are they that hard to come by? Go watch the animated movie, read the books, get your "Alice" fix some other way, cause this movie was made to merely sell t-shirts and Halloween costumes, nothing more...congratulations Mr.Burton you've taken everything that made your vision special and turned it into a marketing tool. This gets a 1.5 outta 5

Sleep Deprived; Awake Review

A man wakes up during heart surgery...that's the plot of "Awake", but what if i told you this is actually a pretty good film? It is. What on paper seems like a thin premise and so-so cast (Hayden Christensen, Jessica Alba), so it shouldn't work. Surprisingly this film takes everything it has, which isn't much, and creates a decent film. Christensen is a rich young man who has everything, his family owns a large chunk of the city, he's engaged to Jessica Alba, and he and his mom are best friends. He has a heart condition and is in need of a heart transplant, but during the operation he wakes up, but is unable to speak or move. While this in itself would make a decent short story, mystery and intrigue are thrown into the mix when it turns out some people might benefit from Christensen dying on the table. The most "action" is the first scenes of surgery which can get pretty intense, but luckily Christensen has an "out of body experience", sort of, and wanders different parts of his memories leading up to the surgery. The movie has a very "Hitchcockian" feel to it with its tense narrative. If you liked "The Number 23" you might like this. At the very least, check it out if you get a chance, it might surprise you. It gets a 3.5 outta 5

Cold as Ice!; Whiteout Review

Firstly, this is based on a comic that i know nothing about, and will probably never read, so i'm not gonna be able to say how well the movie emulates the book. What i can say is that this makes for a surprising little arctic drama, with decent cast to carry the narrative. The story follows Carrie Stetko (Kate Beckinsale), a US Marshall, who become tasked with solving the first murder mystery in Antarctica. As she delves deeper into the case she finds that others may be in danger, including herself. The films moves along at a fairly decent pace, and there are some nice surprises along the way. The supporting cast is good, they don't leave much of an impression, but Beckinsale does a good job of portraying the "tough lady in a man's world" character and in the end you really hope the best for Carrie Stetko. The atmosphere is cool (pun intended), and there's this constant feeling of deadly isolation, which is exactly what you want if your film is set in the arctic tundra. It's not the greatest film ever made, but it is pretty good at what it tries to do, at least rent it, you may really enjoy it. 3 outta 5!

The Final Frontier...of Mediocracy; Planet 51 Review

Recently i've seen alot of animated movies that have surprised me. They've been high quality films, that were decent alternatives to Pixar movies. "Planet 51" has killed any good will that may have been built up, This movie sucks. There are some good qualities, the animation is pretty nice, it's colorful, and the designs of the characters are pertty good. The idea is fairly inspired, take the classic 1950's alien invasion story and flip it around; this time it's a human landing on an alien planet. The execution, just falls flat though. The acting is ok, but the human astronaut, played by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, totally drains everyone else's perfomance, and he is by far the worst character. The soundtrack was a horrible atrocity too. Using the 1950's as the inspiration it would make since that the music in the movie would be from the 50's. Instead of using the real tracks, like they should have, they used the most awful sounding remakes ever, just pure garbage. On the topic of the 50's there are alot of references to 50's and 60's pop culture, why? This movie was made for children, i don't think they're gonna laugh at the Bob Dylan jokes. They wouldn't laugh anyways cause the writing sucks, and most of the logic of the movie doesn't even make sense, like it rains rocks...I don't care if this does take place on an alien world, that isn't logical by any means, but it's a kids movie so i guess they get some lee way, not alot though. Another part of the film that bugged me was some product placement thrown into the movie, it might just be me, but the fact that they used Twix candy bars in the film was off putting. There were many other things that made this movie horrible but i don't really want to get into all the little details. Just know this, ignore the movie, pretend it doesn't exist, go see "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" or "How to Train Your Dragon" they are pretty darn good and should get your attention. This, on the other hand gets 2 Outta 5.