Saturday, June 19, 2010

Unholy Abomination; Legion Review


Legion takes the idea of Heaven vs. Hell and puts a spin on it...by making it Heaven vs...Humans? So let's cut right to it, Gods pissed at man so he sends his angel squad to kill everyone. Archangel Michael (Paul Bettany) disagrees with this so he goes to earth to protect a pregnant woman who's baby will save mankind...Yeah this movie is stupid...

So throughout the film Bettany and a group of assorted folk hold out in the diner/gas station "Paradise Falls" (funny right?) as God sends some very demonic looking creatures after them. This is where the film loses me. Why would God, the most powerful being in the universe have to use tricks out of Satan's handbook? There is possession, trickery, and some all around nasty stuff utilize by the unseen forces trying to get the refuges and the baby. Can't God just like, Cause a giant natural disaster? Couldn't he simply will them out of existence? It just seems like an omnipotent super creator could wipe out a handful of people easily.

That brings me to the people...Some good some bad. Dennis Quaid (aka the guy i always mistake for Pierce Brosnan) does a decent job as the world weary gas station owner. The son of the gas station owner Jeep (seriously, who'd name a child Jeep? is his middle name Wrangler?) is horrible and the less i heard of him the better. The pregnant lady is the least likable character which is a problem considering she's carrying the main plot point. Michael the Archangel is decent, but the rest of the cast have violent mood swings every 5 minutes. The actors never seem to get their characters pegged down and they're all over the place.

The plot is dumb...that's really all there is to say about that. Unless i missed it, which would be easy because the cast whispers most of the time, they never explain why the baby is so important other than "the baby wasn't supposed to be born." The whole possession thing is a total fluke too, if these heavenly entities can possess up to the hundred or so people that show up at the diner to kill the main cast, why can't they just possess someone inside the diner...someone who's i don't know, right next to the pregnant lady?!

The one good thing i will say about this film is the effects, which are, fairly impressive. From a locust swarm to some impressive angel stuff towards the end all of these things looked impressive. This does not redeem the rest of the movie which is almost 2 hours of shooting, whispering, and nonsensical plot developments. Don't see this, see "Dogma" that's a good Heaven vs. Hell movie...1.5 out of 5

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