First post in awhile, the whole "November Writing" thing kind of burned me out on writing for a bit. This is just a second draft of a script I wrote for my creative writing class, thought I might as well post it. I copy and pasted so the formatting is kind of wonky, but I think I ironed out most of the problems.I think I've improved a little bit and I will probably continue to work on the story to some degree.
FADE IN:
INT. HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM-NIGHT
We see through a large window that it is raining very heavily outside. We pull back to reveal a large waiting room. There are several people sitting in the room.
SUBTITLES FADE IN: WESTCHESTER, NEVADA-1978
Near the large window is a woman, LORETTA, 35, an attractive young black woman with a sunny disposition despite her difficult life. She’s wearing a tan jacket, dark blue jeans, and a red snowcap; several strands of her dark black hair hang down over her brow. She is reading the February 27th issue of TIME magazine. Next to her is, MARISSA, 9, LORETTA’s daughter. She is a petite but assertive little girl; she is wearing a bright blue dress and yellow boots.
There is a flash of lightning from outside, MARISSA jumps, eyes wide, she frantically tugs at her mother’s arm.
MARISSA
Mom! That was lightning!
LORETTA
Marissa…you have to be more quiet, there are other people in here with us, don’t be rude.
Marissa looks to her left, there is a man, CHESTER, 70, a pudgy man, with thinning white hair. He is an odd elderly man with a penchant for comedy. He is wearing a yellow windbreaker and a red shirt tucked into his khaki pants. He is tapping his foot, bobbing his head, and humming the theme from “THE MUPPET SHOW.”
Looking out of the corner of his eye he sees Marissa and smiles; he turns and makes a funny face. Marissa giggles, Loretta looks down at her and then at Chester and softly chuckles to herself. There is another flash of lightning and the lights flicker. Loretta looks up.
LORETTA
That’s just great…
She sighs and puts her hand on Marissa’s shoulder.
Stay here baby; I’m going to go ask the doctors a question.
Loretta stands up and walks down the aisle, as she does she looks at the other people in the room. She sees a YOUNG MAN in a green sweatshirt twiddling his thumbs, he looks up and smiles slightly, raising his hand in a slight wave, she turns her head forward quickly and continues to the reception desk. The young man puts his hand down and appears slightly hurt.
We see a woman, HEATHER, 24, a ditzy girl with a valley girl accent. She has “Farah Fawcett” like hair, and is wearing a revealing teal shirt under a white coat. She is examining her nails, completely unaware of Loretta as she walks up.
LORETTA
Excuse me, my daughter and I have been waiting almost an hour, what’s taking so long?
Heather lazily rolls her eyes up at Loretta. Heather is loudly chewing her gum as she talks.
HEATHER
Sorry ma’am, we’re, like, short on help, it’s the storm
She points towards the direction of the window
(CONT’D)It’s, like, really bad out there
LORETTA
Listen, my daughter has school in the morning, it’s late enough as is, there’s nothing you can do?
Heather scoffs slightly, and hands her a clipboard. Loretta scans down the list.
HEATHER (O.S.)
Sorry ma’am you’re behind six other people.
LORETTA frowns, a woman in a doctor’s uniform walks up to the desk. The woman is JULIA CARLYLE, 30, a smart and doctor who puts the patient before her every time. She looks from Heather to Loretta and sees the clipboard.
JULIA
Is there something I can help you with?
LORETTA
Yes, actually there is my daughter…
She is interrupted by the sound of gasps, all three women turn an stare wide eyed at something off screen.
JULIA
Oh god…Pete…
We turn to see a man, PETE, 47, a homeless man and drunk. He is soaking wet and holding his side. The water dripping from him is noticeably a dark red. All his clothing appears to be very ratty, and he has a noticeable beard.
Pete slowly starts to walk towards the reception desk; the other people in the waiting room stare at him. He is noticeably shivering as he moves.
PETE
Sc-Sc-Scuse me…
He slips on the floor slightly, maintaining his balance but wincing slightly. He begins to choke up, and he is visibly crying.
PETE
I n-n-need some help, p-p-please…
Julia walks up to him and puts both hands out.
JULIA
Pete, calm down, come with me, we’ll take a look at you.
He turns his head quickly towards the rest of the people in the room, and begins frantically gesturing towards them. The spot where he held his side is now exposed, we can see there are several large gashes in both his dark sweatshirt and his skin.
PETE (yelling)
It came outta nowhere!
We see some of the others in the waiting room. A young man has his arm over his girlfriend, she is whispering to him, not taking her eyes off of Pete.
PETE (O.S)
I was just mindin’ my own business, and then this…this thing…it just ran up and bit ma’ side!
There is a man in a three piece suit with his arms folded, he is smirking in disbelief. Loretta looks over at Marissa her eyes are wide she looks very scared, Chester is looking at Marissa to, he looks concerned. Quickly standing up he clears his throat.
CHESTER
Hey, buddy, why don’t you just go with the doc alright? your scaring all these young folk.
Pete looks directly at Chester
PETE
D-d-don’t you people get it!? I’m trying to warn you! It’s s-s-still out there! It could be headed this w-w-way!
Marissa lets out a scream; Loretta quickly makes her way towards her daughter.
JULIA
Pete, it was probably a wild dog, which is why we need to get you some medical attention, I’ll call the people at animal control and they’ll get it before it hurts anyone one else, ok Pete?
He is unresponsive, only standing with a slight frown on his face, he has grown considerably paler.
PETE
That wasn’t any dog I ever saw…
Julia walks closer and sniffs him, she winces slightly
JULIA
Pete…you’ve been drinking again, I can smell it from here. C’mon, let’s go get you patched up and you’ll be feeling better in no time.
Pete begins to walk with Julia as they reach a door he turns around looks at the others. They are all still looking at him, he furrows his brow.
PETE
That was no damn dog, believe me…