Random Assertion(s)

The Return of the Blog!

2011-01-21T10:19:00.000-08:00

Well I have to admit, I've been a little neglectful to the ol' blog the past few months. I even missed the blog's birthday (January 12) , and like any negligent parent it's time that I make amends for this. Honestly I found myself a little burned out on writing reviews all the time, but there's some big things in the works that I think will more than make up for a lack of reviews.

Firstly, I will be doing movie reviews!!! I know, i literally just said I'm burnt out on doing movie reviews but the new approach will hopefully be much much more interesting. As I continued to review things I found that it was much more fun to do pieces on the "bad" movies, doing reviews for popular films just isn't quite as enjoyable, I know I like them and there's really no reason to repeat myself over and over again. So in the next few months myself and several friends will be attempting to write and shoot video reviews of crappy films. We've already found a few "gems" it's just a matter of filming, editing and of course figuring out a name for the "show."

Secondly, as of now I am in the process of writing/drawing a graphic novel. I'm not gonna say comic, cause that implies it'll be something like "Marmaduke" or "Blondie", no, this is a full fledged book that I am attempting to create. I'll save the illustrations for my other blog "Barely Artsy" but I will put up little updates on here to, mostly concerning the writing process and a little bit on the characters I've made.

2011 will definitely be a little different, but hopefully this will be a good change. Also, thanks to anyone that does read this blog, I know it's not much but any positive response sure is encouraging. So onward to 2011!

One of a kind; The Human Centipede (First Sequence) Review

2010-12-07T14:44:00.000-08:00

I've seen a lot of horror movies in my day, While I can safely say that most of the movies I have seen where scary, Human Centipede has to be on of the most disturbing concepts I've come across. This film is a very unique story that tries to unsettle the audience as much as it possibly can, and it does a fairly successful job.

The film focuses on the story of a crazy surgeon, Dr.Heiter (Dieter Laser) who specialized in separating conjoined twins but has decided to start joining people together to make the titular "Human Centipede." To do so he kidnaps tourists in the area to make his masterpiece.

Dieter Laser does a great job as a menacing figure. Watching it there is a constant air of dread when he was in a scene. He is a cold calculating psychopath and may be one of my favorite horror villains. The thing that makes him so scary is that he is completely unrelenting, but unlike Jason Vorhees, Michael Myers or any other horror characters he's just a guy. The fact that he is a very human character makes him much scarier, and you can relate to the fear of the victims.

As for the acting of the captives it is kind of a mixed bag. Lindsay (Ashley C. Williams) and Jenny (Ashlynn Yennie) seem to be the ones we're really supposed to feel bad for, but the performance of Katsuro (Akihiro Kitamura), the "front" of the centipede was pretty gripping. Much like Dr.Heiter, Katsuro is a very motivated character, so it leads to some great conflict between the two, despite the fact that neither speaks the other's language. What there is from the girls is good, but all in all it's kind of relieving that they stop talking after awhile.

It's really hard to say that I would recommend this movie, but I don't think it was bad. It's hard to say much about it because it is a very unique movie. The creator, Tom Six, came up with a very very disturbing idea and he executed it to the best of his ability. From that perspective its a great movie, but that doesn't mean it won't be any more polarizing. There's little gore, the most graphic scene is the surgery and there is little of that shown. Even when the centipede is made, the worst of the "changes" are obscured by bandages. The true horror in this film comes completely from the idea, which to me, seems like the sign of a good movie. This obviously isn't true for every film, but in this case it may be.

All in all this film is definitely a "must see." Not because it's a superb film, not because it's a bad film, but because it's just one of those movies people will talk about for sometime to come. If the mention of surgically grafting people anus to mouth is too off putting, than maybe you should sit this movie out. Personally, I find "body horror" extremely fascinating, movies like "Saw" and "The Fly" are my favorite films, so I am wholeheartedly for this movie. It's impossible for anyone to give a unanimous verdict on the film, it is just that peculiar. To me though it has to be a 4 outta 5!

Creative Writing Piece--2nd Draft Script

2010-12-06T17:20:00.000-08:00

First post in awhile, the whole "November Writing" thing kind of burned me out on writing for a bit. This is just a second draft of a script I wrote for my creative writing class, thought I might as well post it. I copy and pasted so the formatting is kind of wonky, but I think I ironed out most of the problems.I think I've improved a little bit and I will probably continue to work on the story to some degree.

FADE IN:

INT. HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM-NIGHT

We see through a large window that it is raining very heavily outside. We pull back to reveal a large waiting room. There are several people sitting in the room.

SUBTITLES FADE IN: WESTCHESTER, NEVADA-1978

Near the large window is a woman, LORETTA, 35, an attractive young black woman with a sunny disposition despite her difficult life. She’s wearing a tan jacket, dark blue jeans, and a red snowcap; several strands of her dark black hair hang down over her brow. She is reading the February 27^th issue of TIME magazine. Next to her is, MARISSA, 9, LORETTA’s daughter. She is a petite but assertive little girl; she is wearing a bright blue dress and yellow boots.

There is a flash of lightning from outside, MARISSA jumps, eyes wide, she frantically tugs at her mother’s arm.

MARISSA

Mom! That was lightning!

LORETTA

Marissa…you have to be more quiet, there are other people in here with us, don’t be rude.

Marissa looks to her left, there is a man, CHESTER, 70, a pudgy man, with thinning white hair. He is an odd elderly man with a penchant for comedy. He is wearing a yellow windbreaker and a red shirt tucked into his khaki pants. He is tapping his foot, bobbing his head, and humming the theme from “THE MUPPET SHOW.”

Looking out of the corner of his eye he sees Marissa and smiles; he turns and makes a funny face. Marissa giggles, Loretta looks down at her and then at Chester and softly chuckles to herself. There is another flash of lightning and the lights flicker. Loretta looks up.

LORETTA

That’s just great…

She sighs and puts her hand on Marissa’s shoulder.

Stay here baby; I’m going to go ask the doctors a question.

Loretta stands up and walks down the aisle, as she does she looks at the other people in the room. She sees a YOUNG MAN in a green sweatshirt twiddling his thumbs, he looks up and smiles slightly, raising his hand in a slight wave, she turns her head forward quickly and continues to the reception desk. The young man puts his hand down and appears slightly hurt.

We see a woman, HEATHER, 24, a ditzy girl with a valley girl accent. She has “Farah Fawcett” like hair, and is wearing a revealing teal shirt under a white coat. She is examining her nails, completely unaware of Loretta as she walks up.

LORETTA

Excuse me, my daughter and I have been waiting almost an hour, what’s taking so long?

Heather lazily rolls her eyes up at Loretta. Heather is loudly chewing her gum as she talks.

HEATHER

Sorry ma’am, we’re, like, short on help, it’s the storm

She points towards the direction of the window

(CONT’D)It’s, like, really bad out there

LORETTA

Listen, my daughter has school in the morning, it’s late enough as is, there’s nothing you can do?

Heather scoffs slightly, and hands her a clipboard. Loretta scans down the list.

HEATHER (O.S.)

Sorry ma’am you’re behind six other people.

LORETTA frowns, a woman in a doctor’s uniform walks up to the desk. The woman is JULIA CARLYLE, 30, a smart and doctor who puts the patient before her every time. She looks from Heather to Loretta and sees the clipboard.

JULIA

Is there something I can help you with?

LORETTA

Yes, actually there is my daughter…

She is interrupted by the sound of gasps, all three women turn an stare wide eyed at something off screen.

JULIA

Oh god…Pete…

We turn to see a man, PETE, 47, a homeless man and drunk. He is soaking wet and holding his side. The water dripping from him is noticeably a dark red. All his clothing appears to be very ratty, and he has a noticeable beard.

Pete slowly starts to walk towards the reception desk; the other people in the waiting room stare at him. He is noticeably shivering as he moves.

PETE

Sc-Sc-Scuse me…

He slips on the floor slightly, maintaining his balance but wincing slightly. He begins to choke up, and he is visibly crying.

PETE

I n-n-need some help, p-p-please…

Julia walks up to him and puts both hands out.

JULIA

Pete, calm down, come with me, we’ll take a look at you.

He turns his head quickly towards the rest of the people in the room, and begins frantically gesturing towards them. The spot where he held his side is now exposed, we can see there are several large gashes in both his dark sweatshirt and his skin.

PETE (yelling)

It came outta nowhere!

We see some of the others in the waiting room. A young man has his arm over his girlfriend, she is whispering to him, not taking her eyes off of Pete.

PETE (O.S)

I was just mindin’ my own business, and then this…this thing…it just ran up and bit ma’ side!

There is a man in a three piece suit with his arms folded, he is smirking in disbelief. Loretta looks over at Marissa her eyes are wide she looks very scared, Chester is looking at Marissa to, he looks concerned. Quickly standing up he clears his throat.

CHESTER

Hey, buddy, why don’t you just go with the doc alright? your scaring all these young folk.

Pete looks directly at Chester

PETE

D-d-don’t you people get it!? I’m trying to warn you! It’s s-s-still out there! It could be headed this w-w-way!

Marissa lets out a scream; Loretta quickly makes her way towards her daughter.

JULIA

Pete, it was probably a wild dog, which is why we need to get you some medical attention, I’ll call the people at animal control and they’ll get it before it hurts anyone one else, ok Pete?

He is unresponsive, only standing with a slight frown on his face, he has grown considerably paler.

PETE

That wasn’t any dog I ever saw…

Julia walks closer and sniffs him, she winces slightly

JULIA

Pete…you’ve been drinking again, I can smell it from here. C’mon, let’s go get you patched up and you’ll be feeling better in no time.

Pete begins to walk with Julia as they reach a door he turns around looks at the others. They are all still looking at him, he furrows his brow.

PETE

That was no damn dog, believe me…

November Writin' #5--Vigilante Hamilton

2010-11-06T20:17:00.000-07:00

So, i've decided that instead of strictly writing scary stuff, i'm gonna try other things throughout the month as well, so here's something that I guess would be considered comedy. It gets weird, I didn't really put much time in making it make sense. It's pretty nonsensical but I think some aspects of it are pretty good;

Hamilton swiftly walked down the alleyway, the jewel thief was close. Dakota Hamilton was a top rate gumshoe, and he had been hired to catch the elusive jewel thief known as "El Condor", no particular reason for this, it just kind of stuck. The year was 2345, and the place was "Newhattan" the floating city located right above New York City. Hamilton had set up his detective agency after a failed attempt at professional cat grooming. With the help of his long time friend and infrequent intimate partner, Indigo O'Leary, he was able to take on several cases and make a name for himself.

The detective peered around a corner, he could see a shadowy figure, this had to be "El Condor." Hamilton adjusted his hat for optimum intimidation, and slowly rounded the corner, "Ok, Mr.Condor, that's as far as you're going to go." The figure turned, Hamilton could see him better, he was an older, man, his gray hair was long and almost magnificent in a way, Hamilton would later write in his journal that he wanted to grow hair like that when he got older. The man looked at Hamilton, then in a gruff smokey voice he said, "So detective you've got me cornered, now what?" Dakota had not actually thought that far ahead, he drew his laser pistol and kept it pointed at the man's head.

"First things first, put down the bucket of the those precious gold encrusted, platinum diamond gems!" Dakota motioned with the pistol for the man to place the bucket in front of him, the man begrudgingly complied. Hamilton walked closer to the man, "I read your dossier, you don't do things for profit, who wanted these?" El Condor smirked, "My boy, I believe in the next few weeks, all your questions will be answered." Hamilton grabbed the man by his Hawaiian shirt collar, he stared him in the eye. That's when the red and blue of the police cruisers brought Dakota back to reality. He heard a familiar, Boston tinged voice, "Hey Dakota, thought you'd like the help." Hamilton walked up to Indigo O'Leary, the police already hauling the thief away in a prison capsule.

Later that evening Dakota found himself sitting in Pub #1566, one of the many conveniently automated drinking establishments found in Newhattan. Sitting across from him was Indigo, she was entering her order into Bartender #2890 main function's list. He enjoyed their nights together after big cases, they usually ended in sex. After the Bartender hovered to the bar Dakota put his hand on Indigo's. She smiled softly, but than pulled her hand from his, "Dakota...We need to talk." He felt his heart sink, there were a million different ways this could end, most seeming bad.

Indigo put her hands on her chin, still smiling, and never breaking eye contact, Dakota saw this as a sign, so he mimicked her. "I need to move on, you're just not that good at...this..." Dakota was confused, "What are you talking about honey." Indigo glared at Dakota, he felt his soul leave his body for a split second. "Don't ever call me honey again, ok?" He could definitely tell this was going to end badly now. "You're not good at being a detective, I end up doing all the work." Dakota frowned, "I don't think that's very fair to say, I caught that Condor fellow." Indigo shook her head, "No, you stalled him, while I did real work and got the police." Bartender #2890 came back handing Indigo her rum and coke, and handing Dakota his fuzzy navel, he drank it very quickly.

The two sat in silence for minutes, Indigo broke it after taking several drinks, "So, i'm gonna go start my own agency, and actually do a compotent job for once." Dakota, somewhat a lightweight, was already slurring his speech, "Thish ish shtupid Indigo, we're friends." Indigo put her hand on his, "Well...," then she got up, "guess things are changing." She patted Dakota on the back, yelling, "Thanks for paying for my drink!" Dakota sat at the both feeling sad and alone, he had just lost his best friend and infrequent sex partner. He thought about all the good times they had had together. Sure she didn't talk to him in highschool, or really in college, or even during sex, but he felt that they had formed a strong bond.

Dakota stepped outside, the cold sting of the air felt as if even mother natured was mocking him. As he walked down the street he heard a noise, "Help me!" It was a woman. Running down the sidewalk Dakota came upon an alley, at the other end a woman being attacked by two burly hooligans. Dakota walked up shouting, "Hey, you burly hooligans, unhand that voluptuous beauty." In hindsight calling the woman a "voluptuous beauty" would be seen as a mistake. The two men turned, one was simian like, his greasy black hair down up in a pompodour, the other in a three piece suit, with shiny black shoes, definitely a member of the "Dapper Gentlemen's Gang." The girl appeared to be in her early twenties, her black hair soaking, clung to her friegthened face.

"Oh yeah," said the dapper gent as he pulled out their trademark billy club, "What if we don't." The ape man watched silently, Dakota imagined that he couldn't be thinking of much. "Well than this!" Dakota said as he pulled out his laser pistol, this provoked the ape man, he charged at Dakota, his mouth frothing. The detective was quick, shooting him in his right knee, he collapsed sobbing like a large baby. The dapper gentleman stepped back, "You son of a bitch, you know who we are?!" The man swung his billy club in a large helicopter motion, yelling wildly. Before he could even move Dakota shot him in the foot, he fell crying uncontrollably.

Dakota sauntered up to young woman, grabbing her by the hips. "Little lady, I reckon you owe me a kiss." She was shivering, Dakota assumed this was due to sheer sexual intimidation so he moved in to kiss her, but she did not accept his flailing tongue and instead sprayed him with mace. Dakota screamed cowering in a corner, "Geez lady, I was just trying to help you!" The young woman walked up putting her hand on his shoulder, "I'm grateful, but you were very off putting...I'm sorry." He looked at her through his extremely blood shot eyes, he managed to almost smile. "You should do that for a living" the girl said. "What, I don't like mace," Dakota said. "No, help people, you know like a vigilante," the girl said

Dakota explained his job to the young woman, she smiled. "What if you did something slightly different," She was practically beaming. "What are you talking about, I'm already a detective, I do good now," Dakota groaned, his eyes felt like they were sizzling. "You could be a superhero," She grabbed him by the shoulders shaking him, "and I could help you!" He was excited, but had to pee, so he accompanied the girl to her apartment, which was actually quite close. She was kind enough to let him use the restroom, as he peed he yelled, "So I don't even know your name." She replied, "Melody Nightingale." Dakota smiled, "That's a nice name, I hope we make a good team." He flushed the toilet, his mind at ease, he was excited to start a new chapter in his life.

November Writin' #4--Dog

2010-11-05T08:55:00.000-07:00

Here's piece number 3(technically 4) the other piece is just about done, so I'll be caught up on posting stuff. If you do enjoy writing, i'd strongly encourage you to try this too, it's really fun and it's a good excuse to do a little writing every day;

Ellis ran, his chest burned, his head hurt, and he was seriously dehydrated, but he knew that if he stopped it would almost certainly mean death. He could hear the beast closely behind him, it's breathing deep and angry. He turned for only a split second, he could only make out two things, it was getting closer, and its teeth appeared to be fairly sharp. The monster pursuing Ellis was a large black dog, he couldn't really tell what kind it was, but he didn't really care what breed of dog was trying to kill him.

Ellis' day had started out normally enough, he was simply walking down a sidewalk when he heard growling coming from behind him. Since then Ellis had been running for dear life. He wasn't sure what it was about him that made his canine attacker to be so hostile, but now wasn't the time for speculation. Ellis examined his surroundings; he had ended up down an alleyway, the back yards of houses on either side. It was a risky maneuver, but Ellis saw a white fence he thought he could scale. He looked back at the dog, it was slightly farther back, just enough that he could scale the fence to safety.

Ellis leapt with all his might, most of his upper half made the jump. He pulled himself up quickly, but felt a sharp pain, along with a tug. He looked down to see his heel and ankle in the dog's mouth; its teeth were sunk in his flesh. Ellis let out a startled yelp and kicked at the monster's head, but it did not back down. He kicked and kicked and kicked, some much so that the dog formed several cuts on the side of its face. Putting all his strength into it he kicked one more time, this time, knocking the dog off its legs. Ellis took this time to scale the rest of the fence, collapsing on the lawn on the other side, face down in the grass.

He couldn't move, he was so exhausted he couldn't move an inch, that's when he heard movement on the other side. "Get up, get up, get up," Ellis said quietly to himself, he didn't know if the dog could still find him, but he didn't want to take chances. He pushed himself off the ground and slowly stood, wincing at the slight pain in his leg. He could still walk, but he had to bear a sharp sting. As Ellis walked up to the small white house he could hear the dog taking deep breaths, trying to pick up his scent. Ellis picked up his pace, his breathing getting slightly harder.

As he approached the house he could see a figure inside. Ellis waved his hand slightly smiling. The person inside, a young woman, not any older than him waved back. Ellis heard more sounds from behind, he looked, the dog was digging a tunnel underneath the fence. Ellis felt his heart pounding faster in his chest, the girl noticed the concern on his face. She opened the door, "Is something the matter sir?" Ellis tried to catch his breath; he made it halfway to the girl when he heard her scream. Ellis felt his heart sank, he turned around to face the large dog, it had made its way under the fence.

The girl looked extremely frightened, but Ellis was more scared, he noticed the dog never took its gaze off him. The girl yelled, "Mom!” Ellis looked at her wild eyed he motioned for her to be quiet. The dog never even looked at her, no matter how loud she got, it became apparent that the dog was out for him. Ellis turned to the girl and quietly said, "Go inside, please call the police..." She walked backwards slowly, but when she noticed the dog took no interest in her she turned around. Ellis watched her slide the door closed and grab the phone. He stepped to the side, the dog taking small steps toward him.

Ellis looked to the left, a tool shed, the door was open. He ran to the shed, the dog began to pick up its pace. Ellis found strength to lunge into the shed and close the door. The dog barked loudly as it rammed into the shed's door. Ellis looked around, he was disheartened that there were no chainsaws; there weren't even heavy duty gardening sheers. Ellis grabbed the sharpest thing he could find, a screwdriver, he whimpered, the dog breached the door, teeth snapping like a ravenous piranha. Ellis backed up against the wall of the shed. The dog busted through the door, charging at him.

Ellis put his arm out to shield himself, the dog grabbed it shaking it vigorously, it growled loudly as blood filled its mouth. Ellis pulled the dog closer, stared it in the eye and quietly whispered, "Fuck you," clenching the screwdriver tighter he rammed it into the dog's throat. Despite the screwdriver piercing its neck the dog continued to bear down on his arm. Ellis looked to his right; a single brick could be his last salvation. Grabbing the brick he hit the dog in the head, it whimpered slightly. Ellis struck the beast several times, he could see white from the dog's skull showing through its bloodied head.

Ellis smashed the dog in the head until his arm got sore, his clothing covered in a deep crimson. The dog unmoving still had its teeth in his arm, even though most of its head had been reduced to mush. Ellis breathed a deep sigh of relief; he dropped the brick, chuckling. As he pulled the teeth out of his arm a policeman entered the doorway, Ellis chuckled a bit, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, he was very very tired.

November Writin' #3--The Plan

2010-11-05T08:52:00.000-07:00

This is the piece that I did on Tuesday, but I never got the ending to work the way I thought it should. After trying a couple things I'd say that this works best, for now at least, like I've said before these are first drafts, I'll go back and make em' better;

Bright headlights cut through the dark of the night. Nathan Boggs had come to a very grim decision; He was going to commit murder that night. The idea had come to him one day when he let his mind wander into darker territories. He had decided that his life was much too boring. His wife constantly away on trips and he in a lucrative, but lackluster, job. Nathan spent several weeks putting his plan together, and this was the night he would carry it out.

The first step would be abduction, he would pick up a stranger, a hobo, prostitute, runaway, it didn't really matter. He would offer them a drugged bottle of water and they would be out within minutes of drinking it. From there it would be a quick drive to the summer cabin by the town lake and he could do the deed in the basement. The large furnace would be able to incinerate any evidence of the crime. Nathan could sense that tonight would be a very interesting night.

As he followed the twists and turns of the road he thought he could make out a figure in the distance, standing under a street light. It appeared to be a person in a yellow sweatshirt, and dark jeans. The hood of the sweatshirt was pulled up, Nathan couldn't see who they were as he got closer he turned off the high beams of his car, the person turned towards him. He could finally see that it was a young girl, she was very petite but Nathan could make out a girlish figure underneath the baggy sweatshirt. Her black hair, up in a pony tail, clashed with the pale color of her skin, she looked like she was very worn out.

Nathan came to a stop several feet in front of her; he motioned her to his window. "Hello there," he said, "might you be interested in a ride?" She hesitantly came closer to him, "Thank you sir, but I don't even know where I'm going..." Nathan grinned at this, "Well can't let a young girl like you wander the dark streets alone, hop in and I'll get you to town." She looked at the ground, "I don't even know your name, doesn't seem like a good idea..." before she could finish this thought Nathan extended his hand. She reached out and shook the outreached arm, and he said, "The names Nathan, how bout' you?" She pulled her hand from his shake; she looked up at him, "Margret."

Nathan watched as she walked across the front of his car, his heart was racing with excitement. She got in the car, folded her hands together and stared at the dashboard. Nathan asked, "So can I get you water? You look a little pale; you could use a little H2O." Margret shook her head and quietly replied, "No thank you." Not anticipating a conscious passenger Nathan thought up an alternate plan. "It's awfully late, nothing in town is going to be open, how bout I take you to my cabin by the lake, you can stay there and then call someone to get you in the morning." Margret darted her eyes from Nathan to the door, she looked slightly concerned, and this worried Nathan. "I really shouldn't..." she said, Nathan's heart sank, but then she continued, "But I’m very tired, I could use the sleep."

They drove in silence for the rest of the drive, after what seemed like hours, they finally reached Nathan's summer retreat. As they stopped he picked up the tainted water, "Sure you're not thirsty?" She looked at him and said, "Honestly, I’m not a big water drinker." Nathan tried to hide his frustration, so he asked her a question, "So where are you from exactly?" She opened her car door, "well I guess nowhere in particular, I’m kind of nomadic." He chuckled, "fascinating, I haven't met many nomads." They made their way into the cabin; Nathan began flicking on lights in the main room. "You can sleep on the couch," in a last attempt he asked, "I can pour you some water just to have for tonight." She shook her head no; Nathan would have to improvise more.

"I'm going to go get some pillows, just stay here okay?" Nathan walked down to the basement, there he grabbed a small metal pipe left over from renovations the year before, and he had to get her unconscious one way or the other. He quietly reentered the room, the pipe behind his back. Margret still sat on the couch, not even facing him. With one swift blow Nathan struck the back of her skull she flew forward slamming her forehead on the coffee table. Nathan frowned, she got blood on his favorite coffee table book, he'd have to replace it in the future.

He turned her over and looked at the unconscious girl, he scanned her body several times and more dark thoughts began to brew. She was light enough that he could lift her so he carried her to the bedroom. Shortly after restraining her to his bed with his old belts he saw her eyes flutter to life. She looked at him, scared and slightly delirious, "You really should have drunk that water," he said as he took off his shoes. Tears building up in her eyes she stuttered, "P-please don't." He smirked, "Well I've come too far, so I can't at this point, I can get you some of that water, and it’ll be like going to sleep, promise." Margret began to sob; she nodded and could barely say "OK" before being overcome by her crying.

Nathan strutted back to the kitchen and poured the poisoned water into a glass, he was as giddy as a child on Christmas day. As he walked back into the bedroom he thought about how after tonight he would be a different man, a stronger man. After tonight he could do whatever he wanted. Before he could continue this train of thought he was startled by the sight of an empty bed, the belt restraints broken. His last thought was, "how did this happen" before he was struck from behind with the metal pipe he'd hit Margret with.

As Nathan came back to consciousness he tried to move his arms, there was resistance, he was tied to the bed with other garments from his closet. As his vision fully restored he found Margret at the foot of the bed, staring at him. "What the fuck?!" was all Nathan could say. The petite girl walked up next to him trailing her finger up his torso. “I was going to be nice and wait until you fell asleep, make it peaceful, you wouldn’t have felt a thing, “she said unzipping her hoodie, “but you were so damn rude, well, I guess I won’t feel that conflicted now.”

Nathan stammered, “Wh-what the fuck are you talking about?” Margret opened up her sweatshirt; on the inside was a large knife. “I just wanted to try something…crazy.” She took the knife and ran the cold blunt side lightly across his skin. She wiped the tears from her eyes, smiling all the while, Nathan realized that he’d been deceived. He yelled, Margret grabbed him by the throat, squeezing his wind pipe hard. She released his neck; he struggled to regain his breath as she climbed up on top of him. “Now,” she said raising the knife above her head, “let’s make this an exciting evening.” Nathan could only whimper as he watched the blade descend.

November Writin' #2--The Corpse

2010-11-03T14:48:00.000-07:00

This is technically the third thing I wrote, but the other piece needs some fine tuning. This is just another short story I wrote, this will probably go into whatever weird short story collection I'm making. While I don't think any of these are great, i like that I'm laying ground work for bigger stories in the future;

Cliff grunted as he climbed up the rickety ladder, up into the attic. He winced with each step, his knees were stiff. He groaned as he could already feel the immense stuffiness and heat from the attic. Time had taken his toll on him, now in his late forties, Cliff was a tired man. He was tired of his job, his car, his house, but most of all he was tired of his wife Olivia. Sure in the first years of marriage it was wonderful, the future looked bright. As time went on, however, the polish on the world had begun to fade. Now Cliff found himself an aging has been, and every time he looked at Olivia he was reminded of how mundane his life had become.

He poked his head up into the attic, the only light coming from outside, the sunbeams shining through shutters. Cliff was not a church goer, so Olivia had decided he could clean the attic Sunday morning. Even though he argued he'd never been in the attic, she insisted, her sinus were much too sensitive to be in a dusty attic. Neither of them had ever been up there for very long, they didn't even use it for storage, but there were a lot of boxes from previous tenants. So it was Cliff's duty to sort junk from collectibles. Cliff walked over to a large box labeled "shirts." As he reached to open the box he spotted something behind the boxes, in the corner. Cliff felt a knot in his stomach, as he stared at what appeared to be a shriveled corpse, curled up in a ball. He walked closer, surely this was just a long forgotten Halloween decoration, he thought.

Cliff touched the shoulder of the body, it was dry, almost a paper texture. He looked at the face, it was very thin, and the nose appeared to have fallen off. He stared at body for several minutes, when, without warning the body stared back. Cliff gasped, so loud it caught himself off guard, he fell to the ground. The corpse looked at him and in a raspy voice said, "hello." Cliff was at a loss for words, this thing, this dead body, was talking to him. "It has been so long since I've had the pleasure to converse, might you stay and talk with me?" Cliff did not have many friends, and he seldom was able to talk to someone other than his wife, he was very lonely. He pondered the situation and gave a very calm, "sure."

He sat down next to the body, they sat in silence for the next few minutes, the corpse broke the silence. "My name is Roger, by the way," only his mouth moved as the skin around it cracked and flacked with every word he said. Before Cliff could respond Roger said with a grin, "You must be Clifford." He was shocked at the notion of an apparently immobile corpse would know his name. Cliff replied, "Yes...but everyone calls me Cliff, might I ask how you know this?" Roger looked around before answering, "Well as you can see I'm a bit immobile," he shook slightly to prove his point, his limbs barely moved. "But I do hear alot, and I know all about you and...Olivia?" Cliff nodded, he knew he should have been more off put, but Roger seemed like a polite enough man.

"Well she sounds like a very pretty lady,"Roger said. Cliff shrugged, "Honestly that woman has been nothing but misery for the last twenty three years." Roger managed to make sounds that could be considered laughter, "That's women for ya, misery." Cliff grinned, he had finally found someone that understood him. Cliff sighed, "Can't live with em', can't live without, isn't that how the saying goes?" Roger looked at the floor, and slowly turned his gaze up toe Cliff, "Well know that's not entirely true." The corpse stared at Cliff, unblinking until Roger wheezily said, " Why don't you just get rid of her?"

Cliff looked at the body wide eyed, "I...I can't kill my wife...I..." Roger was quick to cut him off, "What, you love her?" Roger began to force more laughter out of his body, dust coming out with every exhale. "Listen Cliff, I was in the same place, you know what I did?" Roger got a more sinister look on his face, "It's real easy, just do what I did." Cliff became pale in the face, Roger continued, "Just put something in her meal, arsenic or something like that, it's not like there's ever any visitors, you won't be interrupted." Cliff stammered, "That's not possible, sure I don't love her like I used to, but she's my wife." Roger frowned, or a close approximation, and said, "well you obviously don't know what goes on here when you're gone."

The corpse rolled his eyes, "She has been seeing men for years now," he chuckled, "the things I've heard." Cliff felt his heart sink, the woman he'd given everything up for was cheating on him? "How can I believe you?" Roger looked at a vent, just past his feet, he signaled with his eyes for Cliff to look as well. Through the shutters of the vent Cliff could see their bedroom, with a perfect view of their queen sized mattress. "This isn't possible...If one of us is going to cheat, it should be me..." He could feel anger well up inside his chest. "Why stop there," Roger asked, "Like I said...teach her a lesson." Cliff looked at the body, "I can just end it, get the hell out of this rinky dink town, all I have to do is kill that bitch."

A million thoughts raced through his head. How would he do it, suffocation, posioning, drowning, what? He inventoried every sharp, blunt, or otherwise dangerous object in the house that could do the deed. As he got up he felt a surge of dizziness brought on, he didn't realize how tired he really was. He looked down at Roger to see if he would agree, to Cliff's surprise the once very animate corpse did not appear to be moving anymore. He bent down wiping the sweat from his brow, "Hello, Roger?" The body remained unmoving. Cliff felt very tired, the heat had gotten to him. He laid down next to Roger and put his arm on his shoulder, it was still tough and papery, as he looked at the shriveled man Cliff drifted off to sleep.

Olivia walked inside her house, she had just gotten back from Sunday morning service. "Cliff, I'm home," She said, looking in the living room for her husband. She made her way upstairs, calling his name once more. When Olivia reached the top of the stairs she discovered the ladder to the attic was still down. She softly laughed to herself, her husband probably fell asleep on the job again. "One of these days you are going to do some work around here," she said as she climbed up the ladder.

Olivia reached the top of the ladder, scanning the attic her eyes stopped on a figure lying on the floor. Several days after discovering her husband's body doctors would tell her his death was brought on by heat stroke. Olivia was also told that victims of heat stroke will sometimes hallucinate which could explain why her husband was hugging the Halloween decoration that looked like a dead body

November Writin' #1-- "Lit"

2010-11-01T19:52:00.000-07:00

So just me and my friends have decided we're going to try to write at least 750 words, so I'm going to be posting them up on the ol' blog here. So here's the first, it's just a short story, I might make it part of an anthology, not sure yet.

Thomas sat in the backyard of his house, the air calm and quiet, it was a Saturday morning. While he was only seven years old, his parents felt he was responsible enough to take care of himself, as long as he stayed home. He didn’t mind being alone, he had found a new game to play. He smiled as he struck the match on the box he had taken from his father’s night stand. Thomas lowered the lit stick to a piece of paper, it moved slowly down the white expanse. He loved to watch the flames twirl and flicker as if dancing, he would become hypnotized.

The red hot flames crept along the paper, leaving only blackened ash. Since he had found this wonderful toy he had spent many mornings lighting random pieces of paper on fire and watching them burn, but today Thomas decided that today he would make the biggest fire yet. The fire had devoured most of the paper, leaving only a sliver.

Thomas picked himself up and walked inside the house, he needed something before he could play. Rummaging through the kitchen he found what he was looking for in the fourth cabinet, underneath the sink. Thomas had seen his father use this before when he cooked with the grill, it made the fire bigger. It looked like water, but Thomas could tell it was different, it smelled funny. He had just begun to learn to read, and he was proud that he could make out the word “lighter”, but the other word was odd, he spelled it out, f-l-u-i-d, but he didn’t know how to pronounce it. He placed the box of matches and the strange liquid into his Spiderman backpack.

He adjusted his blue cap and tightened the Velcro of his light up shoes as he prepared to go on an adventure. Thomas had decided he wanted to go somewhere special so he left his house and began to walk down the sidewalk. The small town of Crimshaw was quiet today, and aside from the occasional car driving by Thomas didn’t see any adults. The sidewalk came to an abandoned strip mall, the windows of the stores broken, the paint on the building faded. From where he stood, something in the alleyway between what used to be a hair salon and what used to be an electronics store; it was a large green dumpster. Thomas walked up to it, he looked around, no one.

Using a milk crate, he was barely able to see over the ledge of the dumpster. He could see rags in the dumpster; he was excited to see how it would burn. He took the cap off the strange water and poured it all into the dumpster. As he struck the match he thought he heard a noise, looking around he didn’t see anyone, so he continued to light the match. He held the match in his hand and watched the flame slowly move across the stick. He dropped it, the tiny flame quickly spread across the rags. This was not the same kind of fire he had come to love. This was a ravenous, hungry creature violent lashing the sides of the dumpster. Horrible dark fumes began to rise; Thomas coughed as the smoke hit his nostrils. He fell off the milk crate; he quickly pushed himself against the other wall of the alley.

A rumbling shook the dumpster, so violently that the heavy metal lid fell down. Smoke billowed out of the every hole it could find. An orange glow from inside grew brighter and brighter, then Thomas could hear screaming. What started as panicked mumbling became incoherent screeching. The thing inside the dumpster vainly hit the lid, it barley moving. Another burst was quickly followed by a hand pushing its way through the crack. It was red and bloody, steam came off of it.

The hand pushed harder revealing an arm it was blistered and bloody. The thing in the dumpster continued to scream, Thomas couldn’t move at all. A shoulder pushed through followed by a head, it’s hair smoldering. The burnt man stared at Thomas his mouth agape; he let out a stuttered groan as he fell, unmoving. Thomas walked up to the man, halfway in the still burning dumpster. Thomas bent down and picked up his Spiderman backpack, putting the box of matches inside the bag. He ran, out of the alleyway, down the sidewalk back to his home. He quickly grabbed a piece of paper, and ran to the backyard. He sat down, wiping a tear from his cheek. He lit the paper, his heart filled with terror. Within the flame Thomas could swear he could see a pair of bloodshot eyes staring back.

My Top Ten Horror Movies

2010-10-31T11:28:00.000-07:00

Well, Halloween is here, so I thought the best way to celebrate would be to create a list of my favorite horror movies. This isn't the list of movies I find the most scary, just the movies that I enjoyed the most out of.

10. The Thing (1982)-While the original has a lot going for it, it's the remake that really has some true terror in it. The story of scientist trapped in an Arctic research site with a blood thirsty alien who can replicate other living organisms. Just the idea that this creature can take on any form it wants gives the movie an air of tension and paranoia. The alien is unsettling and terrifying all at the same time.

9.Halloween (1978)- What kind of horror movie list would be complete without the quintessential Halloween movie? John Carpenter struck gold when he spray painted a Captain Kirk mask white and created a horror icon. If you're gonna see one horror movie this Halloween, make sure it's this one, just make sure you avoid the Rob Zombie remake...

8. Amityville Horror (1979)- I've never been too scared of the whole "haunted house" type of movie, but this one totally got to me. The story of the family being actively attacked by the evil spirits in their new home. I wouldn't say that the remake is bad, but the original just has more fright to it. It's the kind of movie that'll have you jump at every creaky door and flickering light you encounter.

7. Them! (1954)- One of the movies I grew up watching, this film is completely under appreciated. A cautionary tale of atomic testing and experimentation as a group of people take on an army of giant ants. The main reason this film has stuck with me for so long is due to the sound the ants make. Their high pitched screech has been burned into my memory.

6.The Fly (1986)- Jeff Goldblum turns into a man-fly...need I say more? This film uses very disturbing imagery and a very disturbing idea and it goes a long way, making this a very memorable movie. Goldblum does a great job, this character goes through a lot of change, and he conveys that emotion very well. The effects are top notch and are still pretty impressive by today's standards. This is a film that all "transformation" movies can learn a thing or two from.

5. Trick r' Treat (2007)- This one came out of nowhere for me. I had never heard much about it, on a whim I rented...this one of the best "horror anthologies" out there. The film takes place in a small town on Halloween, and follows the nights of several different people. This is a very dark and, at times, funny movie, and it tries to be a perfect horror story, no cutesy fairy tale endings here, just pure mayhem.

4. Shaun of the Dead (2004)- On the lighter side of horror is a great zombie comedy (zombedy?) that excels at every level. The movie follows title character, Shaun as he tries survive with family and friends after there has been a full scale zombie outbreak. It's a very witty, well written story, with like able characters and some pretty funny scenes fighting the undead. Edgar Wright is a great director and his style applied to zombie is awesome.

3. Cube (1997)- This movie is kind of the ancestor to movies like "Saw." The whole film revolves around a group of people who wake up to find themselves trapped in a giant puzzle. Every room is a large cube, but some rooms contain traps, such as spraying acid, sharp spikes, and the occasional wire mesh. It does a lot more than most modern horror films do, and the pay off is a very creepy movie.

2. The Ring (2002)- This movie gave me my fair share of sleepless nights. There's just something about Japanese style horror that really gets to me. The story is about a creepy tape with a pinchant for murdering people seven days after seeing it, and it falls to Rachel Keller (Naomi Watts) to solve the mystery of the creepy television girl, Samara. The idea of this "curse" hanging over Rachel just gives the film a very intriguing pace. "The video" still manages to freak me out a little, and I will definitely freak out if my TV ever turns on by itself.

1. Saw (2004)- The moment the movie started I knew I was in for a very good movie. This movie can be both mentally and visually frightening at times. I want to reveal as little of this movie as possible so I'll say this much; two men find themselves chained up in a dingy bathroom and the only way out of the chains is with a hacksaw...to cut through their feet. This movie is so good, it will leave you guessing the whole way through, and it has one of my favorite endings in a movie of all time.

If you like horror, See This Movie!

Have an awesome Halloween!

Quick Plug--Barely Artsy

2010-10-22T10:38:00.000-07:00

Just realized I haven't done a single blog post all month, i am quite behind. So instead of trying to go back and review all the movies that i've seen the past couple weeks I'm just gonna pick up again in a week or two. Until then i'm gonna work on the other blog "Barely Artsy." So here's my latest work and a link to the other blog.

2010's Best Summer Movie of 2010-Round 2

2010-09-13T11:45:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile but it's time for the next round in my quest to find the best Summer movie of 2010!

Round 2--Plot
what is going on in these films? Here i'll just look at what it is these movies are all about.

INCEPTION--Don't worry this is going to be a spoiler free as possible. When you really look at what this film is about it's two things, a heist film and a redemption story. That's all i'm gonna say about that, but what a great story. Going into this film i wasn't really sure what to expect, and that really was the best way to experience it. There's a strong narrative and it never lets up, its intense the whole way through.

SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE UNIVERSE--This is a fairly simple love story. Boy meets girl, boy dates girl...boy has to fight seven evil exes to continue dating girl. It really is a nice twist on the typical romance story, and just like the opening of the film, it is all done in a frantic and exciting pace. At times it might feel like it moves a little too fast, but in the end it works very well with the way the film works.

TOY STORY 3-- Possibly one of the saddest films in awhile. The plot of Toy Story 3 is a very sentimental one, with lots of moments of nostalgia thrown in. It's done very well though, and never feels like Pixar is just out to make everyone depressed. It is probably the most grounded of the plots, odd since it's a animated film, but it was a very well crafted story.

WINNER--INCEPTION
What a great plot, truly one of the best stories of any film this year. Scott Pilgrim was a little too simplistic and Toy Story didn't really throw any really heavy ideas at you. Inception sought out to take its wild plot and just envelope the audience in their world, and it is a very effective effort. There are entire scenes in that film where you are 100% dedicated to watching characters interact on the screen. Christopher Nolan has once again crafted a world that is fantastical but at the same time very believeable.

If you're keeping score that's one for Inception and one for Scott Pilgrim, will Toy Story 3 make a comeback? Stay tuned for the next round... The Soundtrack!

Quick Thought

2010-09-13T09:53:00.000-07:00

Haven't blogged in awhile so I thought I'd put this up before I went to class. Still working on the "Best movie of 2010" so round 2 will be up pretty soon. There are also several movies i've recently seen that I'll probably put up reviews for. Also, for those that followed, all 2 of you, I deleted the game blog, I don't play enough games to throw up a review on a regular basis, but I will continue to post game reviews on this blog. One last thing before I go, The art blog is going to be the new place I post all my work, im debating whether or not I should continue posting work on Facebook, idk, i'll figure it out eventually. Well I probably should get to class...

2010's Best Summer Movie of 2010-Round 1

2010-08-17T22:09:00.000-07:00

So it's easy to narrow down my three favorite films of the summer. It comes down to "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World", "Inception" and "Toy Story 3", but which is the best? That is why I'm getting to the nitty gritty and really analyzing what makes these movies good and stacking them up against one another. This is just for fun, these are all great movies everyone should see, but which one is...THE GREATEST MOVIE OF SUMMER 2010!!!

ROUND 1-- The Opening/Beginning/Start

Why not start at the very beginning, let's look at how each movie kicks off the action.

INCEPTION-- We open on Leonardo DiCaprio lying face down in the sand on the beach. He sees children and he is quickly whisked away to speak with a mysterious old man. This little bit of random is a nice piece placed here to keep the audience wondering what exactly is going on in this film. As the film keeps going it becomes more clear what's going on, but I won't talk too much about it, don't want to spoil anything. Nolan knows how to start a movie from "Memento" to "Dark Knight" his films do a great job of getting people hooked quickly. The minute this scene ended I knew I was in for a wild ride.

SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD--The film starts with a 16-bit "Universal Studios" logo even with music that sounds like it's straight out of a Super Nintendo Game. The main characters are inroduced and Michael Cera greets his highschool girlfriend who has arrived to watch the garage band "Sex Bob-omb" practice. As the music gets going, the camera pans out, the title is etched above the band...then it gets awesome. These opening credits are some of the most energitc, exciting and entertaining credits I have seen in a long time. Insane colors flicker on the screen as the credits roll, while the grungy garage band style of "Sex Bob-omb" blares.The imagery and the music got me more pumped for the rest of the film than I thought I ever could.

TOY STORY 3--The beginning of this movie is starkly different from the other "Toy Story" films, we see the action through Andy's eyes. An epic bridge explosion, force field eating dogs and...of course, death by monkeys. This is all great, really showing off how far Pixar has come since the simpler days of the orginal "Toy Story." Then the movie cuts to the point of view of Andy's mom filming him playing with his toys, cue the Randy Newman. and let the nostalgia roll over you. This is a nice little opening kind of catching the film up to present day, showing moments of Andy's life with the toys. Heartstrings are tugged, and warm feelings are felt in this pleasent reminder that I loved "Toy Story" as a kid.

THE WINNER--"Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World"

"Inception" was mysterious, "Toy Story 3" was sentimental, and "Scott Pilgrim" was...EPIC. This movie begins fairly calmly but the second Kim Pine yells "We are Sex Bob-omb!", the music starts, and camera slowly pulls back, you get an inkling that this movie is going to be quite a rollercoaster. If you read the books this is awesome because you're seeing this awesome story come to life, and if you haven't read the books it's something fairly unique and hopefully something exciting. I feel very sure in saying that this is one of my favorite opening scenes in a movie ever...EVER.

Stay tuned for round 2...THE PLOT!

1-UP: "Scott Pilgrim Vs.The World" Review

2010-08-14T21:11:00.000-07:00

   This is a very very unique film. One that combines a mundane romance story with the frantic action of a video game. Based on a graphic novel this movie was tasked with cramming six books into 112 minutes. With a lot of visual flair, and a hint of indie-retro style, this film is does a good job at making the screen very eye catching, unfortunately the plot falters slightly in it's attempt to bring the series to the screen.

   Michael Cera is Scott Pilgrim, a 20-something bassist in the garage band "Sex Bob-omb" (That's just one of the many game references in the movie). Scott falls in love with the mysterious Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) after he sees in her in a dream. Things get crazy quickly when Scott finds out that to date Ramona he must defeat her 7 evil exes. That is really the extent of the story, but it is executed very well.

   If you can't tell there is a lot of fighting in this movie. The fight scenes are packed with constant action and it all maintains a very comic/video game feel to them, even to the point where Pilgrim gets a combo meter fighting an enemy. Each fight is entertaining in it's own way, and there isn't that much repetition. The scenes without fighting are pretty good to, thanks largely to the talented cast.

   While the film does have a very good cast, there are so many people in the film that it seems like some of the best characters are barely on screen. The main actors are great Cera and Winstead play off each other well. Scott's roommate Wallace Wells (Kieran Culkin) does a good job of playing the character to call Scott to action. Scott's other friends/band mates Kim Pine (Alison Pill) Stephen Stills (Mark Webber) and Young Neil (Johnny Simmons) are about as accurate to the book as you could ever get.

Just a few of the characters

The only problem in with the story is that the 7 evil exes, while still fairly enjoyable in the movie, were much more fleshed out in the books. Each villain (except exes 5&6,the twins) got a whole book, this allowed for bigger roles. Two of the exes (my favorite ones), Todd Ingram (Brandon Routh) and Roxy Richter (Mae Whitman), encountered Pilgrim several times before actually being defeated. This is a minor complaint though, because when they are on screen they are very enjoyable to watch.

Speaking of watching, like I stated before, this movie is visually captivating in a way that I haven't seen in a while. From the crazy opening credits to the final battle, everything is full of color. The effects are pretty much cgi, but it is not a downfall of the film. The world is mashed up with pixelation and fights that defy every law of science.

Like this, except crazier

  Sometimes movies have and alright right soundtrack, and sometimes movies are like "Scott Pilgrim" and have one of the best soundtracks of the year. The music for the band "Sex-Bob-omb", a very garage band style, was created by Beck, and it's some of the best stuff I've heard from him in awhile. Mixed in with this is some indie music and even a brief piece of classic "Legend of Zelda" tunes. To make matters even more awesome the film's score is great too, mixing intense fanfare of action movies with the bleeps and boops of video games.

   This movie is so close to being perfect it kind of sucks that it falls victim to the problem most "books to movies" face, there's just too much to put into one film. There are so many characters, places, and scenarios in the movie that it feels overloaded, and it doesn't even get everything onto the screen. If the film could maybe be split in two it might have work, but alas the one will have to do.

   That is not saying that it isn't everything it could be. "Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World" is the best condensing that could ever be down to a great graphic novel. It gets just enough of the books in it to make it very very appealing. So if you enjoyed the movie, check out the books! They are quite an enjoyable read, and there's more to enjoy.

   From the visuals to the music to the actors everything works well in the movie. It all fits together like some big crazy indie-videogame-comic book homage that guarantees to entertain. The movie knows full well how absurd it is and embraces that fact and takes it full force. If you like video games, comics, and/or Michael Cera check out this movie! It's not perfect, but it's a pretty good 4 outta 5!

BlandMan; Batman: Under the Red Hood Review

2010-08-12T13:42:00.000-07:00

Since the 90's it's usually a guarantee that the animated Batman properties would be good. Since the animated series a lot has gone into crafting quality stories with top notch animation and grade A voice acting. "Under the Red Hood" is a movie clearly made in a post "Dark Knight" world, but unfortunately it can't decide if it wants to be like the Christopher Nolan Batman or the animated series version and the end result is an overall bland affair.

The story revolves around Batman taking on The Red Hood a new vigilante who isn't afraid to use extreme measures to fight crime a.k.a. murder. The story starts at the pivotal scene in "A Death in the Family" where the second Robin, Jason Todd, is murdered by the Joker. The rest of the film is based on "Under the Hood" a story about the Red Hood and the possibility that it is Jason Todd.

There are really three main characters in the film. Batman, the Red Hood, and the Black Mask (A villain anybody not familiar with the comics wont be aware of) and the film revolves around both Black Mask and Batman attempting to put an end to the Red Hood's vigilantism. The Joker is in the movie, not that much, but he is pretty important to the film.

Action is the best thing about the film. The fight scenes are frantic and action packed, and because it's a PG-13 movie it can get fairly violent for an animated movie. The character design is alright, it's a little too generic for a cartoon. This is where it becomes apparent that they are trying to emulate the Nolan style of Batman. While the action is over the top and crazy, the way the characters look and talk are way too low key for this type of movie.

This is the one big weak spot of the film for me, the voice acting. Batman's actor, Bruce(weird) Greenwood, is ok, it's almost close enough to the animated series actor that it passes. Nightwing, the first Robin, is done well by Neal Patrick Harris, but he's in the film for a total of about 15 minutes. The one real bummer of an actor is John DiMaggio (Bender from Futurama) as Joker, he plays this character way to timidly.

The whole portrayal of the Joker in this film is way to subtle, he just doesn't have that psychotic nature he has in other work. This is how most of the film feels, too subtle. It tries to hard to be the new type of Batman instead of it's own thing. If you're gonna do animated Batman go all the way, not this weird, trying to be real stuff, leave that to the movies with real people.

The movie doesn't really work well until the last 10 to 15 minutes.If you like Batman at least check it out, it's not great but it's something. If this impresses you definitely check out the 90's animated show, that's some compelling Batman. As for this, well it's not quite compelling, just some nice animation to look at. Eh, 2.5 outta 5

Under Appreciated or Mediocre #1--Maggie Grace

2010-07-30T20:35:00.000-07:00

So this is me trying to experiment with the blog a little. Maybe get away from just reviews. Hopefully this will become an ongoing thing. The world of acting is a harsh and competitive one, and not everybody can make it to the top. Unfortunately some of these actors might not deserve to be trapped in obscurity. So I'm here to sort the actors who deserve a second chance from the actors that need to rethink their careers. I'll look at several films in their career and make a verdict of whether these actors are...Under Appreciated or Mediocre!

First up is a lady any "Lost" fan will recognize, Maggie Grace! Unfortunately if you are a fan of Lost than you know her best as the self centered elitist, Shannon Rutherford.

Can her acting go past the blonde airhead variety? Let's take a look!

"The Fog"--So this seems like an unfair movie to look at because this is a terrible film. There isn't anything that could have made it better. Grace is basically the main character alongside Tom Welling (Smallville) so she gets lots of screen time. So how does Maggie Grace fair in a horrible horror remake? She does alright, she isn't hamming it up and acting like the typical dumb girl in a scary movie, she is one of the better actors in the movie. She definitely isn't the Shannon character, so it's good to see that isn't all she can do.

"The Jane Austen Book Club"--So there aren't a lot of films where Grace gets top billing, so I had do a chick flick, which honestly wasn't that bad. It was a little cheesy but in the "it's a chick flick" kind of way. The film has a large cast so Grace isn't quite as prominent as she is in "The Fog", but she's a major character. I really liked her in this to, she's a thrill seeker who is also very clumsy, which leads to a couple funny scenes where she injures herself in the name of being "extreme." She is never over the top in this movie either, she acts like a normal human being, and does a good job at it.

That really is it in terms of her most notable roles, everything else is pretty minor. This is kind of unfortunate because she really seems like a good actress.

Final Verdict: Maggie Grace has not been in much. Her biggest role to date seems to be Shannon from "Lost". The awesome thing is though as annoying and rude as that character was, it seems like that was done on purpose, not just how Grace acts. With the other two movies I saw It's pretty clear that she has some range. In "The Fog" she's believable and in "Jane Austen Book Club" she is believable, two completely different movies and she made her characters not only likable but realistic in relation to the story. One of the best things I can say is that she knows how to not overact.

Another actress I really like, Jennifer Carpenter (Dexter, Quarantine), is OK, but when she tries to play up an emotion like fear or sadness it's borderline ridiculous. There weren't any times during Grace's performances where I didn't believe in her characters, or I thought they were melodramatic. It's good to know that she is continuing to work, maybe eventually she'll get even more lead roles, because she could really be a great actress some day. So Maggie Grace is definitely Under Appreciated.

More Art Related Stuff

2010-07-28T10:57:00.000-07:00

Hadn't done a post in awhile so i thought I'd put up this thing I did for a friend of mine. This is a logo for his blog "The Hanging Tree" It's a pretty cool blog about music with the occasional movie review, check it out it's a good read.

The Inception Review; Sweet Dreams

2010-07-18T12:27:00.000-07:00

So I'm going to try my best to remain spoiler free in this review, but if you want to know as little as possible, just skip to the last paragraph where I'll give a generic summation.

Christopher Nolan has proven once again that he can make a good movie. Honestly, I knew I would like the film before I saw it, but I was blown away with how immensely awesome the film was.

The story follows Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio) a man with a "special skill set" that makes him adept at entering peoples dreams and stealing information. He's tasked with a job that, if successful, will allow him to see his family again, who he has been separated from. That's all I'm gonna say, cause this is amovie you have to experience for yourself.

The cast is phenomenal. Leonardo Dicaprio is, once again, great. This character has a few similarities to Teddy from "Shutter Island" but DiCaprio makes the character feel different that there isn't any weird deja vu. Ellen Page has definitely come a long way from "Juno" and does a good job of being Cobb's new found ally. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a good comic side kick with out being cheesy or annoying, and is pretty capable of doing things on his own. Tom Hardy has to be my favorite character though, as Eames a smooth talking con artist/thief.

Nolan is normally known for using as little CGI as possible, but even in this movie, where he used more than he normally would, it looks great. Obviously CGI is needed for some of the mind bending things they do, particularly during Ellen Page's first few dream experiences. There isn't really anything I can say negatively about this film, it was all around good. I could see the plot maybe being a little too complicated for some people, but It never feels convoluted or like their BS'ing their way through the plot.

*FINAL SUMMATION* See this movie!!! If you like psychological thrillers this is one of the best that's out there. Watch this movie and it's very clear that Christopher Nolan is one of the best directors of our time. The only "negative" thing about the movie is the length (2hr and 28min!) but this movie is so good I never wanted it to end. Go see it, the more money Christopher Nolan makes the more awesome movies we get! It's a win-win, and this movie is a definite 5 outta 5!

Predators Review; Get to the Choppa!!!

2010-07-16T11:48:00.000-07:00

The predator franchise is a troubled one. The first film, "Predator", was an action/horror movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger fighting the predator in the jungle. It was a great film with memorable moments and an awesome finale. The 2nd film...wasn't great...but it was ok. Ignore the "Alien vs. Predator" movies, they're not too great... So where does "Predators" fit into the franchise's lineage? Well it's an interesting film that has a few issues, but manages to be highly enjoyable.

The film follows a group consisting of soliders, convicts, and other people who might be prone to violence, who wake up in a mysterious jungle. It soon becomes very clear that they are part of a game where they are being hunted for sport. The group must put aside their differences and work together to beat the predators at their own game.

Most of the movie is the group just slowly moving through the jungle and coming to realizations about what is going on. It's a lot more action oriented than the first two Predator movies, this isn't bad, but the more tense atmosphere of the first one was pretty gripping.

Casting in the movie is pretty good. Adrien Brody plays Royce, the main character, while he may not be quite as muscle bound as Schwarzenegger's character he manages to be a believable tough guy. The rest of the cast is great with the likes of Alice Braga (I Am Legend) and Topher Grace (That 70's Show), the others are great but the characters aren't fleshed out as much. The one actor I could not get behind was Laurence Fishburne, his performance is just a little too hammy.

There are a couple of new Predator creatures revealed in this film. They main one is a larger more deadly version of the type of predator we've come to know. This kind seems to be less about the hunt and more about the murdering, so it lacks some subtlety the originals had. A predator "dog" is introduced, while they are only in the film for a short period of time, it kind of makes for speculation of what other types of vicious fauna inhabit the predator world.

It is very obvious the makers of this film sought to bring the franchise back to it's roots. There are a lot of similarities to the original film. This isn't bad, but it also makes it hard to not compare it to the original. The movie is all right, it is a little silly at times, but it's a strong enough piece to make it feel like a promising new beginning for this new iteration of Predator films.

The bottom line is that if you liked the Predator films, than this is a nice addition to the franchise. It feels like enough of a reboot that even if you haven't seen the other Predator films this would be entertaining. All in all it's not anything extraodanairy, but what it does do it does right.

3 outta 5!!!

Despicable Me Review; The Almost Perfect Crime

2010-07-09T16:26:00.000-07:00

This year has been pretty good for animated films. "How to Train Your Dragon" was a surprisingly awesome film, "Toy Story 3" was an expected awesome film, and there's a couple of other movies coming out this year that look like they might be pretty enjoyable. So how does "Despicable Me" stand up to the rest of the films out this year? Well it could have been awesome...but a few things hold it back, just slightly.

The film is about Gru (Steve Carell) a supervillain who is trying to top the theft of one of the great pyramids by stealing the moon. His rival, a new up and coming villain Vector (Jason Segel) stands between him and his goals. Through some crazy shenanigans Gru adopts three little girls who might be able to help him best Vector. The film follows a pretty predictable path, but it's an entertaining one. There's a lot of slapstick humor, which isn't necessarily bad. but there was one aspect of the film that just made the film entirely stupid, and ruined my enjoyment of it...

I hate these things...HATE these things, they are the epitome of what is wrong with children's films. The worst part of it is that there are hundreds of these...things in the film, they don't even explain what they are. They are the thing that constantly remind you that this movie was meant for kids...or stupid people. Like Jar Jar Binks or Donkey from "Shrek", everytime they're on screen they have to be either doing something wacky/or just being generally goofy. So yeah picture "Phantom Menace" with hundreds of Jar Jars...nightmarish. They've been the push of the marketing for the film, and unfortunately they are quite prevalent in the movie. Luckily most of the rest of the cast makes up for this awful aspect of the film.

Steve Carell does a decent job of making Gru seem sinister, but his inevitable turn to good is believable. The kids are pretty good, unlike in "The Children", they aren't unbearable, but at the same time act like realistic kids, only slightly annoying at times. The main antagonist Vector is a lot more annoying than the kids, and like the stupid minions, totally pointless, and his absence would greatly improve the film.

Overall it's a nice looking film, all the character designs are unique and have a nice charm to them. The locations in the film are colorful and pleasant to look at. The music is...well it's a mixed bag. Pharrell Williams composed the music for the film, the orchestral pieces are epic and are pleasantly reminiscent of a spy film. The regular songs are slightly grating, and feel out of place. All in all it's a good film, It's maybe meant for younger kids than something like "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" was meant for. If you can handle some very annoying characters, then you're in for a decent movie. 3 outta 5!

Some Art!

2010-07-04T18:50:00.000-07:00

So here's some stuff i've neglected to put up, I've hit a wall, not so much a block, just a wall, but I think I'm getting around that, more to come; The top two things are logos I did on request the bottom two are just for fun. I don't know if anyone would want em' but I'm considering doing commissions for money, so if there was a picture you'd want me to do let me know!

Grow Up; Youth in Revolt Review

2010-07-02T16:21:00.000-07:00

So It's really hard to figure out this movie. Im not gonna say I don't like it, but this film is just a very strange film.

First off, I know there some people out there who don't like Michael Cera, well bad news he's the main character. What makes this different from other Cera films is that he is more self aware then he usually is, that really is the whole crutch of the film. His character, Nick Twisp, is desperate to win the heart of Sheeni Saunders (played by Portia Doubleday). So to build up the courage to get with the girl he adopts the persona of Francois Dillinger, the complete opposite of the Michael Cera archetype.

The main cast is alright, really it's just Cera and Doubleday in the movie, everyone else is just kind of there. I always like Cera, i think he's pretty entertaining, but Doubleday comes off very robotic once and awhile. The supporting cast (everyone else) is great, and it's unfortunate they aren't in it more. Fred Willard is especially memorable as the odd neighbor that helps Cera when he's in a jam.

Characters are not enough to carry a film though, plot is kinda important too, and this is where I think the film falters. While there is a goal, the whole mission is carried out with little excitement. The motivations of the characters are just odd. Cera goes from just kind of being a quirky rebellious kid, to downright dastardly. There might be to many supporting characters as there is never enough time to actually get to know them. All you get is Doubleday and Cera, and they're not really enough to carry an entire film. It's weird because the film is barely over an hour, even if it meant stretching the movie out I wouldn't mind a little more character exposition.

If anything I would recommend this as a rent, it's just a very odd (kind of pointless film). I'm gonna give it a 3 outta 5. Cera fans might want to check it out, but the real Cera movie to check out this year will be "Scott Pilgrim vs. the World", at least I'm stoked.

Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner...But They Should; The Children Review

2010-06-26T18:58:00.000-07:00

Ugh...So a bunch of kids get "Children of the Corn" flu and go all stabby stabby on their parental units. This little piece of British horror has a lot of promise, with a dark premise, it could be good, but with shoddy acting, and poor delivery it kinda falls flat.

The film follows two families as they spend the Holidays together in a remote house/cabin/ thing. Unfortunately one of the kids gets sick...? Yea so he says "I don't feel good", throws up and that's the start of the plot. One by one the kids start acting bad, and turn on the parents, first with simple smacks and ill temper...to full blown murder.

I don't mind the notion of an illness that makes people violent, but there isn't any logic to it. The children don't just simply become aggressive, they turn into evil masterminds, setting traps and tricking the adults to trust them, and the kids work together...??? If multiple animals get rabies they don't team up, the kid's obviously have some kind of brain damage, but at this point the illness isn't even neurological, it's just random. As stupid as "The Happening" at least it seemed grounded in some kind of branch of reality. Why would an illness only make kids violent...but only against adults, and it might not only affect kids... See this whole thing is just crazy BS...

So that just bugged me, but wait there's more! The acting is pretty bad. I know you can't expect much from kids, they did an alright job, at times they were downright "Village of the Damned" levels of creepy. The adults couldn't hold a candle Rafiella Brooks, the best of the kids (best of the whole cast to probably) in the film, she did a great job going from cute kid to the spawn of Satan.

I can't keep going, there's some much bad in this movie.It's unfortunate to, cause the atmosphere is decent throughout and the setting has that "If you died out here no one would know" kind of vibe, so they had some of the right pieces. I was really excited after "Splinter", i thought I'd get to see another great obscure horror film, but i got this B-grade, British bomb...blurg, 2.5 outta 5

Sharp Monster Movie; Splinter Review

2010-06-25T19:19:00.000-07:00

When watching a movie you know nothing about it's always a good idea to keep an open mind until the credits roll at the end. This is best exemplified in the case of "Splinter" a horror movie i went from hating to thoroughly enjoying when it was all over.

The film finds Seth and Polly, a couple celebrating their one year anniversary, kidnapped and taken hostage by Dennis and Lacey, two convicts on the run. They stop by a gas station that appears to be abandoned. They soon find that there is a not so friendly creature looking to make them a meal.

I don't want to get into too much about the monster because there actually are some unexpected twists revealed throughout the film. There seem to be elements taken from John Carpenter's "The Thing" regarding the monster, but like i said they do a good job crafting a creature, and i wouldn't want to give anything away.

The movie is well paced, there weren't any parts where i wished i could skip ahead. The tension is constant, the creature is a pretty malevolent force throughout. Unlike some horror movies where it's vague about what becomes of the victims, it is made painfully clear what befalls the monster's prey. The movie rarely relies on CGI which i always appreciate in a horror movie, and there is even a scene i think is more intense than most scenes in the "Saw" movies.

Of course, this is not a top tier film, and it does have it's flaws. The acting is decent, the only actor i didn't like was the girl convict, she was just annoying. Once and awhile there will be a plot point where you go "really?" but there are a lot of horror movies out there like that.

The first part of the film is tough to get through, at first none of the characters are that likeable, but that changes pretty quickly. Just wait until the creature shows up then it gets pretty good.

I really liked this movie, it was something unexpected. A dark creature feature type movie I haven't seen in awhile. It's a rent at the least, if you do like movies like "The Thing", "The Fly", or maybe even "Tremors" this could be a film for you. 4 outta 5!

No Batteries Required; Toy Story 3 Review?

2010-06-19T23:37:00.000-07:00

(There's a reason i put the "?" in the title...So when i

started writing this it was gonna just be a simple review...

it quickly turned into something else, if you want to know

the rate i give it, 5 outta 5, there's other stuff i address in

this piece so i thought the whole rating thing didn't matter

It became a retrospect of sorts, ,enjoy!)

On November 22nd 1995 Pixar, a studio that wasn't quite the powerhouse it now is, released a movie, with the help of Disney...That movie was "Toy Story."

Fast forward 15 years and Disney owns Pixar, which has become the peak of animation quality, and "Toy Story" is considered one of the most beloved/important animated movies of all time...things have changed and time has passed. This is the idea behind "Toy Story 3" a film that acknowledges that time keeps moving whether we want it to or not.

Andy is all grown up and he's going off to college, but as a new chapter starts it appears as if the toys are going to be left behind. Fearing that they are no longer wanted most of the toys left want to leave, choosing to be donated to a daycare, but Woody can't bear to lose Andy. I'm not going to get much more into the plot, I'll just say the story revolves around the toys adapting to a life that is in the midst of change.

Do i really need to say more, you know it's going to be a great movie. The acting is great, the animation is beautiful, and the story is slightly emotional and moving. I will say that this movie is not quite as sad as "Up", but from the perspective that this is the end of the "Toy Story" franchise it was quite the tugger of heart strings. This film was really meant for people my age, I mean Andy is the same age as me and my friends, we literally grew up with this story.

There is nothing i can say that is negative about the film, it is almost flawless, but i say that through nostalgic eyes, but that's what Pixar is going for. I really think this is the end of an era for Pixar. With sequalization beginning for other franchises ("Cars 2" next year, and "Monsters Inc. 2" in 2012) and a much more rapid production rate (Two Pixar films in 2012!!!) it really is the dawning of a new day.

Just look at it like this, as much as they might enjoy it, "Toy Story 3" will not be special for any child growing up now. Think of how it felt to see these crazy 3-dimensional characters come to life for the first time when you were 4,5,6,etc. To any kid now it's just another animated movie, dozens have come out before it. That was the first of it's kind, now the original "Toy Story" looks like a cutscene from a PS2 video game. This new Pixar has got to pull out all the stops to show kids the same kind of magic we saw.

This would have been the most poetic way for Pixar to end. This would have been a perfect swan song, but it's not. Pixar will keep going, there's a good chance that it will keep going, possibly after alot of us are gone, but as "Toy Story 3" implies, we pass the toys on and hope they make others' childhoods as special as ours was.

Unholy Abomination; Legion Review

2010-06-19T14:12:00.000-07:00

Legion takes the idea of Heaven vs. Hell and puts a spin on it...by making it Heaven vs...Humans? So let's cut right to it, Gods pissed at man so he sends his angel squad to kill everyone. Archangel Michael (Paul Bettany) disagrees with this so he goes to earth to protect a pregnant woman who's baby will save mankind...Yeah this movie is stupid...

So throughout the film Bettany and a group of assorted folk hold out in the diner/gas station "Paradise Falls" (funny right?) as God sends some very demonic looking creatures after them. This is where the film loses me. Why would God, the most powerful being in the universe have to use tricks out of Satan's handbook? There is possession, trickery, and some all around nasty stuff utilize by the unseen forces trying to get the refuges and the baby. Can't God just like, Cause a giant natural disaster? Couldn't he simply will them out of existence? It just seems like an omnipotent super creator could wipe out a handful of people easily.

That brings me to the people...Some good some bad. Dennis Quaid (aka the guy i always mistake for Pierce Brosnan) does a decent job as the world weary gas station owner. The son of the gas station owner Jeep (seriously, who'd name a child Jeep? is his middle name Wrangler?) is horrible and the less i heard of him the better. The pregnant lady is the least likable character which is a problem considering she's carrying the main plot point. Michael the Archangel is decent, but the rest of the cast have violent mood swings every 5 minutes. The actors never seem to get their characters pegged down and they're all over the place.

The plot is dumb...that's really all there is to say about that. Unless i missed it, which would be easy because the cast whispers most of the time, they never explain why the baby is so important other than "the baby wasn't supposed to be born." The whole possession thing is a total fluke too, if these heavenly entities can possess up to the hundred or so people that show up at the diner to kill the main cast, why can't they just possess someone inside the diner...someone who's i don't know, right next to the pregnant lady?!

The one good thing i will say about this film is the effects, which are, fairly impressive. From a locust swarm to some impressive angel stuff towards the end all of these things looked impressive. This does not redeem the rest of the movie which is almost 2 hours of shooting, whispering, and nonsensical plot developments. Don't see this, see "Dogma" that's a good Heaven vs. Hell movie...1.5 out of 5

Netflix Review Extravaganza #3--I Downloaded a Ghost!

2010-06-08T09:58:00.000-07:00

Soooo haven't done one of these in a long while, but I'm trudging back into the jungle of obscure and/or mediocrity that is the Netflix Instant Que. While it is true that there are some quality movies that can be found, this is going to be entirely devoted to movies that no one has ever heard of. That being said let's start the ball rolling again.

What if i told you that there is a Disney movie starring Ellen Page (Juno) as a young girl who downloads the spirit of Carlos Alazraqui (Deputy Garcia, Reno 911) and together they attempt to solve a museum theft? Whats that? you say that sounds ridiculously stupid...boy o' boy you don't know the half of it!

The film follows Page's character as she tries to help Alazraqui finish his business on earth so he can move on. To do this he needs to find a priceless cat sculpture that was stolen from the local museum and stop the criminals he inadvertently helped. While this sounds like it would be a harmless tv movie, it's not it fails on multiple levels of humour and enjoyment.

Jokes in a kids movie should not be difficult...some of my favorite movies were the Disney tv movies, but if i had ever watched this i would have lost faith in all that is comdey. Watch this...

Pretty hilarious huh? Also random sidenote, this movie came out in 2004 so that means it was most likely shot between 2002-2003...Ellen Page was at least 15, she looks like a 12 year old in this movie. Carlos Alazraqui is briefly funny from time to time, but overall he just ends up being annoying.

I usually give these kind of movies some leeway, i mean afterall they are written for kids right? That is true but there is a difference between writing for kids and having kids do the written. It's just a badly directed, badly scripted, badly acted movie. Disney made alot of these tv movies and this has to be the worst of the bunch. 1 outta 5

Fairytale Ending; Shrek Forever After Review

2010-06-01T22:07:00.000-07:00

In 2001 Dreamworks released "Shrek", it was a huge success and made Dreamworks the first real contender against Pixar. Three years later "Shrek 2" came out, people still liked it and the Shrek story seemed like it could wrap up at that point...then "Shrek 3" came out...Just pretend "Shrek 3" didn't happen. Shrek 4 does what 3 should have done, wrapped up the story. The plot of 4 is that Shrek is now bored with family life, so he makes a deal with Rumpelstiltskin to go back before he met Fiona so he can be a "real" ogre, but through contractual trickery Shrek finds himself fighting to get back his family and friends, Basically "It's a Wonderful Life" with fairy tale characters. This plot also is a good excuse to re introduce characters, but it's so fast paced no one gets much screen time. The animation looks top notch as always, and the voice acting is good, if not a little a little phoned in at times. There are some new characters introduced, the other ogres are alright, but Rumpelstiltskin is probably the best new character, especially considering he isn't even a professional actor, just a writer/animator. I saw this in 3D Imax and while it is really cool to see everything in giant three dimensional craziness, it's not necessary, seeing it in a normal theater probably would be alright. What it comes down to is that if you liked Shrek, this is a very good send off to the franchise, even to the point where the big song at the end is "Im a Believer" again and the credits are made up of images from all the movies. It does such a good job ending the series that it's only fitting that 4 gets a 4 outta 5

Formulaic True Love; The Proposal Review

2010-05-30T10:07:00.001-07:00

For all ten of you that watch "Arrested Development" you'll get this joke, this is the real world equivalent of "Love Indubitably." What i mean by that is that this film is the most generic romance movie i have seen in awhile. It is punch for punch predictable and for being a "romantic comedy" it's not very funny. The story is all about Sandra Bullock finding out she's gonna get deported to Canada and lose her job. So she fakes an engagement with Ryan Reynolds. She's the uptight, mean lady and he's the down to earth everyman, and they have to spend the weekend together in Alaska for Reynold's grandmas birthday...Hilarity ensues! If you couldn't tell that last part was sarcasm...hilarity is few and far between. There are two scenes in the movie i thought were funny, Bullock and Reynolds making up their engagement story and some random stuff that came during the credits. Sandra and Ryan are ok, if not, like the rest of the film predictable, would it be a spoiler to say that by the end of the movie they fall for one another despite their "wacky" differences? The best performance came from Oscar Nunez, better known as "Oscar" from "The Office", mainly because he is the complete opposite of the character from that show. This is also where I'm just gonna come out and say it...Betty White? Really, Betty White? Why the hell is everybody so enamored with her. Is she funny because she says things that old people don't normally say? She's never said anything that has particularly made me laugh...Still don't see what all the fuss is about. She just spouts one liners the whole movie, she is basically filling the role of some wise cracking 10 year old. Whatever, you all can enjoy your unfunny elderly women, maybe I'm just crazy. In summation this movie will do nothing to surprise you. Wacky hi jinks ensue, two completely opposite people fall in love, and i almost expected a big "funny" dance scene at the end. If you really really like romantic comedies than you might like this, mostly because it is like every other stereotypical romantic comedy out there. It doesn't try hard to be different, so I'm not gonna try to give it more than a 2 outta 5.

Hot Topic Makes a Movie;The Alice in Wonderland Review/Rant

2010-05-26T18:05:00.000-07:00

Tim Burton is a marketing genius...How so? Just take a look at "Alice in Wonderland" a "sequel" to the animated Disney film. Don't get me wrong, i like Burton, i honestly really liked "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" but honestly at this point Mr.Burton has worn out this style, "Wonderland" is the death throughs of the "Burton-Depp" genre. What exactly is this genre you ask? Well it's taking Burton's directing, Johnny Depp's Jack Sparrow performance, and emo/goth/hipster style and blending it until it's a generic mess that the Tweens will eat up with the ferocity of a rabid dog at a kitten buffet. There is very little personality, just a very superficial "quirk, and if i know young teens they're all about superficiality. The movie is BORING the story is almost "Chronicles of Narnia", and the acting, well the actors certainly were present. Johnny Depp plays Jack Sparrow with a Scottish accent and face paint, Anne Hathaway seems to be stoned out of her mind the entire time (can't blame her), and Alice, the MAIN CHARACTER, is entirely forgettable. The only people that stand out at all are Helena Bonham Carter as the Red Queen and Alan Rickman as the Caterpillar. Its amazing that a world that looks so cool can be so dull. Oh, and I'm usually a proponent of CGI but everything in this movie was done with computers...Even a horse...A HORSE, Are they that hard to come by? Go watch the animated movie, read the books, get your "Alice" fix some other way, cause this movie was made to merely sell t-shirts and Halloween costumes, nothing more...congratulations Mr.Burton you've taken everything that made your vision special and turned it into a marketing tool. This gets a 1.5 outta 5

Sleep Deprived; Awake Review

2010-05-17T21:04:00.000-07:00

A man wakes up during heart surgery...that's the plot of "Awake", but what if i told you this is actually a pretty good film? It is. What on paper seems like a thin premise and so-so cast (Hayden Christensen, Jessica Alba), so it shouldn't work. Surprisingly this film takes everything it has, which isn't much, and creates a decent film. Christensen is a rich young man who has everything, his family owns a large chunk of the city, he's engaged to Jessica Alba, and he and his mom are best friends. He has a heart condition and is in need of a heart transplant, but during the operation he wakes up, but is unable to speak or move. While this in itself would make a decent short story, mystery and intrigue are thrown into the mix when it turns out some people might benefit from Christensen dying on the table. The most "action" is the first scenes of surgery which can get pretty intense, but luckily Christensen has an "out of body experience", sort of, and wanders different parts of his memories leading up to the surgery. The movie has a very "Hitchcockian" feel to it with its tense narrative. If you liked "The Number 23" you might like this. At the very least, check it out if you get a chance, it might surprise you. It gets a 3.5 outta 5

Cold as Ice!; Whiteout Review

2010-05-12T18:32:00.000-07:00

Firstly, this is based on a comic that i know nothing about, and will probably never read, so i'm not gonna be able to say how well the movie emulates the book. What i can say is that this makes for a surprising little arctic drama, with decent cast to carry the narrative. The story follows Carrie Stetko (Kate Beckinsale), a US Marshall, who become tasked with solving the first murder mystery in Antarctica. As she delves deeper into the case she finds that others may be in danger, including herself. The films moves along at a fairly decent pace, and there are some nice surprises along the way. The supporting cast is good, they don't leave much of an impression, but Beckinsale does a good job of portraying the "tough lady in a man's world" character and in the end you really hope the best for Carrie Stetko. The atmosphere is cool (pun intended), and there's this constant feeling of deadly isolation, which is exactly what you want if your film is set in the arctic tundra. It's not the greatest film ever made, but it is pretty good at what it tries to do, at least rent it, you may really enjoy it. 3 outta 5!

The Final Frontier...of Mediocracy; Planet 51 Review

2010-05-05T20:41:00.000-07:00

Recently i've seen alot of animated movies that have surprised me. They've been high quality films, that were decent alternatives to Pixar movies. "Planet 51" has killed any good will that may have been built up, This movie sucks. There are some good qualities, the animation is pretty nice, it's colorful, and the designs of the characters are pertty good. The idea is fairly inspired, take the classic 1950's alien invasion story and flip it around; this time it's a human landing on an alien planet. The execution, just falls flat though. The acting is ok, but the human astronaut, played by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, totally drains everyone else's perfomance, and he is by far the worst character. The soundtrack was a horrible atrocity too. Using the 1950's as the inspiration it would make since that the music in the movie would be from the 50's. Instead of using the real tracks, like they should have, they used the most awful sounding remakes ever, just pure garbage. On the topic of the 50's there are alot of references to 50's and 60's pop culture, why? This movie was made for children, i don't think they're gonna laugh at the Bob Dylan jokes. They wouldn't laugh anyways cause the writing sucks, and most of the logic of the movie doesn't even make sense, like it rains rocks...I don't care if this does take place on an alien world, that isn't logical by any means, but it's a kids movie so i guess they get some lee way, not alot though. Another part of the film that bugged me was some product placement thrown into the movie, it might just be me, but the fact that they used Twix candy bars in the film was off putting. There were many other things that made this movie horrible but i don't really want to get into all the little details. Just know this, ignore the movie, pretend it doesn't exist, go see "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" or "How to Train Your Dragon" they are pretty darn good and should get your attention. This, on the other hand gets 2 Outta 5.

Kicked Up a Notch; The Kick-Ass Review

2010-04-18T17:35:00.000-07:00

Superhero movies are pretty hot right now, but the new trend is making these heroes more realistic, superheroes that we can relate to. "Kick-Ass" takes this idea and runs with it, taking a visceral look at what would happen if an average kid donned a super persona. Based on a comic of the same name, the film follows Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson) a guy who decides one day that he wants to fight crime. He soon finds himself in way over his head as more heroes enter the picture. While he is the main character the real show stoppers are Nicolas Cage and Chloe Grace Moretz as the father-daughter team of Big Daddy and Hit-Girl. Nick Cage's performance goes from Adam West levels of cheesiness to being one of the more intimidating superheroes, but Hit-Girl takes the prize for toughest character. The eleven year old assassin slices her way through multiple thugs while spouting some of the dirtiest language in the film, it's pretty entertaining, and it really reflects the talent of the actress, who when out of character calls the movie "Kick-Butt" because she can't say ass. Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Aka Superbad's McLovin') does a pretty good job as a superhero as well, but really Cage and Moretz are the ones you'll remember. The story is pretty fast paced and the cinematography is snazzy as well. The characters are all likeable, even the villains to some degree, all in all it's a good movie. Once again lots of violence/language so don't assume just because there's an eleven year old in it that it's the new "Spy Kids" movie or something. If you like Superhero movies with a bit of wit and grit, check out "Kick-Ass" it... Kicks Ass... 5 out of 5!

Robot Drawing

2010-04-11T09:56:00.000-07:00

So this was just a drawing for fun, i really think im getting a hang of Photoshop coloring. For those of you that like to draw people, i based this pic off of a model from http://www.characterdesigns.com/. It's a really cool website, lots of nice reference material, but if you have issues with nudity, then steer clear, it's mostly nude models.

Ball State A** Slapper; Funny Harm or Harmless Fun?

2010-04-09T12:35:00.000-07:00

So for those of you who haven't heard (all two of you) here at BSU there was an incident Wednesday. A man slapped the butts of two girls while riding his bicycle. The girls contacted the police and this set the ball rolling for a whole lot of craziness to go down. The real catalyst was an email sent to all the students, warning them of the "attacker." If you know anyone who wouldn't laugh at an email about a bicycle vigilante slapping butts than i'd be surprised. Just to clarify I do not condone sexual harassment, that stuff can get really bad sometimes and should be dealt with, if the guy gets caught he should be punished. In the end though, the people getting upset have to understand something...Our generation thinks everything is funny. We've grown up in a world of terrorist attacks, school shootings, and the constant threat of disaster/death around every corner, we might be a tad cynical. Also the internet likes to take stupid things and make them %100 bigger than they actually are. I would also like to point out the following scenario, have you ever seen someone fall down the stairs? It's pretty funny right? That person probably got hurt, hell they could snap their neck and die...but it's funny. You're not laughing at the person that fell, it's just funny to see someone fall down. This whole bicycle incident could have gotten real bad if it were someone with malice intent, but it was just some d-bag slapping some butts. If we took every little thing in life seriously we'd all end up in an insane asylum... So leave the girls that it happened to alone, but it's ok to laugh at the situation as a whole.

Dragons! ; How to Train Your Dragon Review

2010-04-08T18:56:00.000-07:00

What an unexpected pleasure, i literally had little to no expectations before i saw this movie, i was surprised. The movie revolves around Hiccup, a young viking who wants to impress his fellow vikings by killing a dragon, I'll just leave it at that, cause it's kind of cool to see where it goes. Voice acting was great, no one is too over the top, and all the acting was enjoyable. The one thing that really blew me away was the way it looked. It was a lot of little things that have been really tough to tackle in computer animated films. The big one is hair, this may not sound like a big deal, but the hair looked awesome. just go back to older computer animated films and look at the hair, alot of times it looks horrible, it's a very small detail, but it adds alot to the movie. Everything else is great, it finds a nice spot between cartoony and "realistic." The overall quality of this movie comes pretty close to what most expect from Pixar, which the past couple years has become a little dull to me. It's not that i dont like Pixar but it just feels like they never take many risks anymore. This is a great animated movie, and you should check it out. I would suggest seeing it in 3D IMAX, cause that is intense, you're entire field of vision is encompassed, makes for very immersive entertainment. 5 outta 5!

Fantastic; The Fantastic Mr. Fox Review

2010-04-03T15:11:00.000-07:00

What appears to be a pretty standard stop motion kids movie, is turned into something entirely different in the hands of Wes Anderson.The film trades in goofy gags and other nonsense with a more mature approach to the material and the end result is a movie that kids would probably like but adults will definitely enjoy to. The story revolves around Mr. Fox (George Clooney) giving up his thieving ways to settle down with his family. While this sounds pretty silly it's handled competently.There is some well known talent in this film, Bill Murray, Meryl Streep, William Dafoe, but some of my favorite acting came from the people i had never heard of. The writing is very clever, more than most other animated films, so it might make some of the humor go over kids heads.The art style is a little off putting at first, but it grows on you, and the characters emote fairly well, and it really shows how much the, somewhat, forgotten art of stop motion is capable of. Over all i liked it, I don't think little kids will like it, but anyone over the age of 9 will probably get a substantial amount of the story. I'd say this deserves a 4 outta 5.

My Fading Youth... Going to the Mall

2010-03-28T19:14:00.000-07:00

In less than two months i will no longer be a teenager... and i felt this more than ever going to the Greenwood Park Mall. It all began when i walked through the doors, when i saw a group of kids. While they were young, bright eyed, individuals, i am a tired, world weary adult, who's eyes have grown a little dull. I walked through the music store...I have know idea who Sean Kingston is or what a Justin Bieber could possibly be. I am no longer up to speed with the current trends of the youth, and this hit the hardest when i went to my favorite store... Hot Topic. I looked around at the clothing, the shoppers and i could only think..."my god, what's happened here." The store i had usually made a priority on my mall trips was a completely foreign place, the music was too loud, it was full of little emo kids, and i kept thinking about where i could find better deals on clothing, i bought a Red Hot Chili Peppers shirt and left hastily. The mall was just one of those things that used to be special, like how driving was this crazy intangible thing, or owning a cell phone, now all these things are fairly hum drum. While i probably will never look at the mall, i can still remember it fondly along with all the other things i experienced during the teen years that were so special to me, no matter how mediocre they might be now.

Fabulously Awful; I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry Review

2010-03-25T19:51:00.000-07:00

I had heard alot of negative things about this movie but geez, i was unprepared. The movie stars Adam Sandler and Kevin James as two firefighters pretending to be gay to ensure James's children get his insurance in case he dies. There were talks about the movie being offensive, but i didn't see anything to bad aimed at the gay community, any real negative things said are retracted after the whole "What i Learned" part of the movie. That does not mean that this movie was not completely inoffensive, Rob Schenider does plenty with his Asian character, and it is a doozy. At one point he pronounces the word "ring" "ling"... that's just the most glaring aspect of his scenes, what the hell. Aside from that horrible stereotype ridden character the rest of the cast is pretty underwhelming, Ving Rhames and Dan Aykroyd do a pretty good job though standing above the rest of the mediocracy. The film is just boring, the jokes are incredibly lackluster, and the worst part of it all is that there was a lot of promise in this film, but it is really hard to see what could have been done to make it work. Sandlers annoying, James is forgettable, and this film is a 2 Out of 5.

Great or the Greatest?; Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs Analysis

2010-03-24T11:33:00.000-07:00

So i've been debating reviewing "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" for awhile because it would basically go like this, "At least the best computer animated movie, maybe best animated movie of all time? 10 outta 5!" But i thought it would be better to look at why i like it so much, i've watched it at least 20 times, and i still want to watch it. From the outside it looks like a typical computer animated movie, but theres so much more going on.

1)The Cast--Bill Hader, Anna Faris, Andy Samberg, Bruce Campbell, James Cann, Mr.T, Will Forte...This is an assembly of some of the funniest/talented people out there and they really get into ...

2)The Characters--They're relatable and, aside from the monkey, none of them seem like they were created to spew catch phrases and sell happy meal toys. They also do a good job of fitting into their respective "disaster movie" roles without sacrificing...

3)The Story--The writers/directors of the movie, Phil Lord and Christopher Miller, sought to make a movie in the vein of "Armageddon", "Twister", "The Day After Tomorrow", all the crazy weather films released in the past decades, the end result is a movie with a great structure it has a compotent, start, middle, and end, all decent length and supplemented by...

4)The Animation--While it may look simplistic, once you watch the movie it's very clear this was intentional. They werent trying to push the limits of character design, but in a way they were able to translate would would have been a standard 2D movie into a breathtaking 3D affair. The animators really cared about making this film be above and beyond, so much so that an engine was created just to make the food look realistically good...

5)My Opinion--SEE THIS MOVIE, it is great, it might not be worth 20 watches, that's just me, mostly because im such an animation fanatic and i try to absorb as much of the animation as i can. But i think this is the perfect movie for kids to look at while adults watch, there is so much going on i don't think any normal kid would get it all their first time seeing it. The movie has MR.T in it, what person under 15 is really going to get humor out of that? Rent, buy, however possible, at least give it a try, i had really low expectations for it and im about to watch it for the 21st time.

Oorah!; Green Zone Review

2010-03-12T13:15:00.000-08:00

The war in Iraq is a tricky subject to tackle, it's a little soon for a retrospective, but "Green Zone" does a great job of presenting it's story without getting too politically one sided. The film takes place in 2003 as the invasion of Iraq heats up. Matt Damon plays Roy Miller, a warrant officer who is on a task force who are looking for WMD's. As most people know none were found, so this film follows Damon's quest to find "Magellan", the informant supplying the, possibly, faulty intelligence. Matt Damon is pretty good, and i really Khalid Abdalla's performance as an Iraqi citizen, it felt genuine. The movie is kind of a slow burn, but once it gets to the climax things really rev up. Countries are not vilified in this movie like they are in alot of other war films, it comes down to individuals. So if you want a mindless action movie, don't see this, the Iraqis aren't just painted as "bad guys", and there are some pretty sketchy Americans too, and that feels more realistic. The only real issue i have is that it does some weird fiction mixed with non fiction stuff that can be kind of off putting, either you make a "real" movie or you stick to your own "world" you've created. I definitely deserves a 4 outta 5.

This Rollercoaster of Life; Adventureland Review

2010-03-11T23:22:00.000-08:00

"Adventureland" is one of those movies that you can tell the writer had in their head for a long time. It's set in a very specific time (the 80's) for no real apparent reason, and it stresses that o' so important "coming of age" message all movies starring "teens" have. It's appropriate it takes place in the 80's cause it easily fits with "The Breakfast Club", "Sixteen Candles", and every other John Hughes movie. The film stars Jesse Eisenberg (the poor man's Michael Cera), Ryan Reynolds (The rich man's Ryan Gosling) and Kristen "Bella Swan" Stewart. These three are the main focus of the story and surprisingly despite all the trash i have heard about her acting in "Twilight", Stewart was probably my favorite actor in the whole film. The supporting cast, especially Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig, could have been in the movie more, but the scenes they do have are pretty memorable. Story is pretty good, and it feels more realistic than most films out there about growing up. There are good times and bad and the characters are able to convey this quite well. My only gripe is that the movie is set in the 80's, im assuming it's cause the writer, Greg Mottola, was about the same age as the main character at the time. He also wrote "Superbad" but this felt like a much more coherent heartfelt piece. It's got depth and the characters, for the most part, are likeable. 4.5 outta 5. Phew, almost done with all these movies i've seen over Spring Break, last is the new Matt Damon thriller "Green Zone"

Where's your Head at?; The Crazies Review

2010-03-11T22:45:00.000-08:00

The whole "The town's lost it" genre has been around for quite awhile, but "The Crazies" manages to be it's own thing and not get bogged down in cliches. The movie revolves around Sheriff Dutton (Timothy Olyphant), his wife (Radha Mitchell), and Deputy Clank (Joe Anderson) as they attempt to escape the small town of Ogden Marsh after an "incident" turns the civil citizens into savage sociopaths. The acting is definitely better than most "zombie/crazy people" movies, because you actually care about the survivors making it out, and the sane people trying to quarantine the town can be just as terrifying as "the crazies." The story is fast paced and doesn't go off into random paths, and there was a coherent narrative. The "crazies" are the only issue i have with the movie as some seem totally out of their gords while others cooperate with each one another, but that really is nit picking to a degree. I guess i lied, there were alot of jump scares, but unlike "The Wolfman" the jump was aided by the intense atmosphere that was created. If you like your horror movies to be some what intelligent, it's no District 9 (yes i consider that a horror movie), than here ya go! i'd give it a 4 outta 5, now onto the "Adventureland" review!

Going Crazy; Shutter Island Review

2010-03-11T12:47:00.000-08:00

Film noir can either be awesomely clever or painfully cheesy, but Martin Scorsese's film adaption of the book "Shutter Island" hits all the right points to making an engaging and dark movie. The film stars Leonard DiCaprio as Teddy Daniels and Mark Ruffalo as Chuck Aule, U.S. Marshals who have been tasked to find an escaped mental patient of Ashecliff Hospital located on Shutter Island. Along the way they run into various workers and inmates, most notably Dr. John Cawley played by Ben Kingsley. The deeper the two dig, the more it becomes apparent that much more is going on in the hospital. The cast is great, especially DiCaprio, and even people who are only on camera for a few minutes make an impression, and the acting makes the characters feel genuine. The story keeps you guessing as to what's going on and like any good mystery there is a great "aha!" moment at the end. The tone seldom shifts and there is little sacrifice of story to appeal to the masses. Great movie i can literally think of no negatives, so this gets a 5 outta 5, i think a first for me? Well at least on this blog, tune in next time for my review of "The Crazies"

WTF; "The Box" Review

2010-03-10T16:13:00.000-08:00

I've already mentioned how trailers can be deceptive, just check out "The Stepfather" review for an example, but man o' man "The Box" knocks it out of the frickin' park. Check out the Trailer.

This is a slightly inaccurate depiction of things to come. This movie is weird weird weird weird weird weird weird, maybe not inna good way. The cast is decent, Diaz and James Marsden pull their weight and Frank Langella plays up the mystery of his character, but the supporting cast, especially the son, are kinda weak. The main issue comes up when the movie starts diverging into a completely unexpected path. Im all for putting twists and turns in a movie, but after awhile it gets really ridiculous and it comes at the expense of decent pacing and overall enjoyability. I spent most of the time scratching my head trying to figure the film out. A little too much going on and it doesn't really pay off in the long run, this film strives to be a 5 but ultimately winds up a 2.5. I don't think i'd even recommend it as a rent, watch "The Number 23" it's a similar style movie, but isn't as pretentious.

2010-03-08T09:31:00.000-08:00

So same pic, just attempted to give it some old movie poster look

The Creature from the Black Lagoon Drawing

2010-03-07T21:27:00.000-08:00

So here's a pic i drew, just kinda attempting to get a feel for coloring with photoshop. It's got a lot of little imperfections but i think over all it turned out pretty decent. I love all the old horror movies like "Creature from the Black Lagoon", so i think i might do some more in the future.

RAGE OUT!-Skull Candy rant

2010-03-03T17:35:00.000-08:00

I promised myself i wouldn't be one of those people that got a blog solely to complain about things but i've decided to make an exception for Skull Candy headphones, specifically the ear buds. I love listening to music, i have 3224 songs on iTunes, and for the longest time i have spent my money on Skull Candy headphones, cause i always thought they were the best, i'm starting to reconsider that thought, they are CRAP. In the last 6 months i've gone through at least 7 or 8 pairs of headphones ,and i am pretty careful with my headphones. The thing that really ticks me off is the declining quality of the products. Now that the Skull Candy name is pretty much "out there" it seems like they stopped caring about the durability of the headphones. Sure they have a warranty where you can send in the headphones for free and get them replaced for free, but what does that say about the companies faith in their products? When i buy something i expect it to last for more than a month. I just got my new "Full Metal Jacket" (like $60) headphones in the mail from Skull Candy because the last pair went to crap...The left ear bud is already losing sound quality...LESS THAN 8 HOURS FROM OPENING THE PACKAGE. So im placing a personal embargo on the Skull Candy line of products, and trying out a new brand, if anybodies got suggestions im open to em.

The Great Social Experiment(s)

2010-03-02T14:25:00.000-08:00

So there's a whole world wide web out there i think it might be fun to try out some of the hottest social devices out there and put my two cents in about em'. So right now i've got my sights set on a couple and they will be the first i focus on.

Chat roulette- The craziest thing i've seen/heard of in awhile, basically it's just a site that sets up random web cam chats with people from all over the world.

Skype- I know little to nothing about this but i have an account now and am gonna try it out.

Those are the big two right now, and i plan to try em out during spring break, if you'd like to aid me in my internet socializing my Skype name is "Jaydw519", that way i got someone i know to talk to. Also if there's some kinda crazy internet chat/social thing you know of let me know im trying out as much as i can.

This Ain't no Game; Heavy Rain Review

2010-02-26T20:18:00.000-08:00

Movies are awesome, videogames are awesome, how bout a videogame that is basically a movie? If this sounds appealing than you'd better check out "Heavy Rain", the new PS3 game from Quantic Dreams, who were also behind one of my favorite PS2 games "Indigo Prophecy." This game trades in a health bar and points for a strong narrative and believable characters. The plot revolves around the "Origami Killer" a mysterious individual who has the nasty habit of murdering young boys. This should be a good indication that this is not a kids game, it is mature as all get out. There is language, violence, and even nudity but it all is done extremely tastefully. You go between four characters (a father, a detective, an FBI agent, and a journalist) all with a motive to find the Origami Killer. The best thing about this game is the pacing, you start as the father and you just go through a day in his life, there is literally a part where you brush your teeth. All the little interactions made me actually care about him, and one scene where he attempts to reconnect with his son actually tugged at the ol' heartstrings a bit. The characters can even die if you screw up enough so there were some times where i was really worried i'd accidentally get my characters killed, and i cared enough about them that i really tried to keep them alive. There is some technical wonkiness but not enough that it should keep you from enjoying this game. Oh yea and i forgot to mention, THIS GAME LOOKS AMAZING, the emotion conveyed is fairly impressive. This definitely gets a 5 0utta 5. Get the game, if you're still skeptical check out this awesome trailer.

Now go get a PS3 and this game... You're welcome

My Poor Brain; Reading Twilight

2010-02-24T11:47:00.000-08:00

So back when the Twilight movie came out i started talking alot of yang about it, cause it's a misogynistic book about sparkly vampires. I was told numerous times that i can't make fun of something i haven't read. Well people, i'm puttin' my money where my mouth is and reading a copy of the first book. I've heard the most infamously bad lines, but over the next couple weeks i'll get the whole picture. I'll post a little update every few chapters, and at the end i'll will issue my ultimate verdict of how bad (or good?) "Twilight" is...pray for me... the movie is bad, there's not much argument there so im not touching that piece of crap.

My Trip to Bat Country; The Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas Review

2010-02-22T12:08:00.000-08:00

"Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" is a very strange movie, but in a very good way. Based on a Hunter S. Thompson novel, the story takes place in the early 70's as Raoul Duke (Johnny Depp) and Dr. Gonzo (Benicio del Toro) go to Las Vegas to cover a race, and find the American dream...with the aid of copious amounts of every drug ever created. This is the main reason the story is so bizarre because it's told from Depp's drug addled perspective which makes for a pretty odd, yet interesting take on Sin City. The acting is pretty good, there are only like four actors with dialogue. Depp is the main character so of course he gets the best of the script, but Benicio does a good job as a man who spends half his time out of his mind, and the other half acting as Depp's lawyer. If i have any issue with the movie it's that it is pretty hollow, the same problem any movie has that is based on a book. About a third of the way in it tries to start getting a message out which is a little late, but it has me interested in reading the book, which means it did it's job. If you can handle watching a balding Depp and a chubby Benicio del Toro going on drug benders and constantly hallucinating then this might be a good movie for you. It's weird, but a very likeable weird, and that's why it gets my highest rating so far of 3.5 outta 5. Next up is a little "indie gem" called "Suspended Animation", if you cant tell that was sarcasm, ive never heard of this movie, and as of this writing i've seen like ten minutes and...geeeeeez... Stay tuned!

"The Stepfather"--Review

2010-02-19T22:05:00.000-08:00

So i love "suburban murder mysteries" like "Disturbia", "Rear Window" or the dozen made for tv movies that emulate them, and seeing trailers for "The Stepfather" really got me excited.

This trailer is kinda misleading, and it tricked me and left me feeling underwhelmed. The acting is pretty shoddy, even Dylan Walsh, who i really like on "Nip/Tuck", is just the typical "charming sociopath" pretty much to the t. The two people i really dislike though are the main characters, Michael and his girlfriend Amber. Michael is just kind of a d-bag and Amber...well im not sure why she's in this movie. Here's a fun game to play though, watch the movie, but pretend that Amber is a figment of Michael's imagination, it works, she just spouts his internal monologue, and i thought it made her more interesting.This is just another PG-13 movie that tries to reel in the young kids who can't see the R rated films. It attempts to cram in as much of the "edgy to tweens" music into it's soundtrack as it can, the plot is paper thin, and it's CLICHED as hell. It might be worth a rent if you've been able to put up with films like "One Missed Call" or "Stay Alive", cause the "suburban murder mysteries" are few and far between, but im not saying it's anything more than a 2.5 outta 5. This is a remake of a 1987 film of the same name, starring Terry O'Quinn, who you may know as Locke from "Lost." i will definitely check it out and do a comparison in the future.

The Greatest Comic Ever?

2010-02-19T11:16:00.000-08:00

Gonna start workin on a comic soon, just gotta figure out how all that copyright mumbo jumbo works cause i really want to put it up somewhere on the internets without fear of idea theft. I've had this idea in my head for awhile now and i think it's about ready to be unleashed upon the world. Oh and the Fear and Loathing review will be up in a couple days.

The Wolfman Review

2010-02-13T14:44:00.000-08:00

When i heard that Universal would be reviving the "The Wolfman" movie i was pretty excited. This could usher in a new era of monster movies, but if they're all gonna be like "Wolfman" than i'm a little worried. The acting is great, i thought that Benicio del Toro was the perfect Lawrence Talbot, Anthony Hopkins once again pulls off the likable creepy guy, and the movie has Hugo Waving (Agent Smith from "The Matrix") as an inspector who has little impact on the story at all.The effects are great, and the transformation scene is eerie and awesome. The story starts out pretty good, but once Lawrence becomes the Wolfman it all goes down hill. What was a somewhat pleasently pace movie turned into some hyper action movie, out of nowhere! This is the second worst part of the movie, the worst thing about this film is that there are TOO MANY JUMP SCARES. It's safe to say there was at least one jump scare every ten minutes...im not exaggerating. The movie turns into a cheap slasher flick about 20 minutes in and it has a lot of trouble redeeming itself. Oh yeah and if you're opposed to violence keep in mind this movie is VERY GORY, teetering on absurd. So as much as it pains me to say it might be a rent, i honestly don't know who this movie was intended for, but its a least not for me. i'd give it a 3 out of 5. Also, weird fun fact, Gene Simmons does the howling for the wolf.

Netflix Review Extravaganza #2 -- Civic Duty

2010-02-09T10:03:00.000-08:00

The "War on Terrorism" is a pretty tricky subject to tackle, and i give kudos to anyone that tries, but "Civic Duty" might try to hard to please everyone. The film revolves around Terry Allen(Peter Krause), a laid off accountant who spends all his free time watching a fictional news channel that only seems to cover terrorist related news, and the "impending doom coming our way", which in turn makes Terry Allen paranoid of his new Middle Eastern neighbor. The movie follows a very "Rear Window"/"Disturbia" formula of man watches another man and thinks he's evil, this is where it trips up. "Civic Duty" does way too much back and forth on everything. The actors are pretty good at not being stereotypical but every ten minutes they seem like entirely different characters. The one thing i think it did well was to show what can happen to a person who watches way too much of the "fear monger" type journalism, but that's not saying too much. It might be a rent, if you're into thrillers, but it tries to tackle too many issues and never has a clear message. All in all i think it deserves a 2 out of 5. Next up is the hallucinogenic mind-bender that is "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"

Netflix Review Extravaganza #1 -- Omega Man

2010-02-07T14:27:00.000-08:00

"Omega Man" is the second movie adaptation of the book "I Am Legend", which you may know as the Will Smith movie that came out a couple years ago. This movie is pretty bad,and i usually enjoy the original properties. My first issue is with the "monsters". In this version they're just albino dudes in black robes who hate technology, No special powers just an aversion to light. It's hard to feel intimidated by them, and at least in the Will Smith movie you kinda feel sorry for them at a point. Its just Charlton Heston fighting albino dudes, which brings me to the next big problem...Charlton Heston. The whole film is him just hanging out shootin' people, at like one point they allude that he might be crazy, but it never goes anywhere. I don't know if it was just me but I thought Will Smith was fantastic in "I Am Legend." He conveyed some real emotion, and it felt like Robert Neville was on the verge of losing it. Charlton on the other hand acts more like James Bond, which is really off-putting considering he's the "last man on Earth", he should have some emotional baggage. Over all, don't see it, while the Will Smith version has issues it has much more going on than just an average shoot-em up. If i had to rate it i'd give it 2 stars out of 5. Next up is "Civic Duty", i know nothing about this so it should be fun.

My Stupid Endeavor

2010-02-03T18:48:00.000-08:00

So, Netflix is pretty cool. So cool in fact that i currently have over 150 movies/tv shows in my instant que. I've decided that im gonna methodically go through each one and "review" them. Theres everything from classic cinema to crappy rip-offs so expect to start seeing these soon, maybe two or three a week...maybe, first up is "Omega Man"

Movies that have NO business being in 3D

2010-01-16T12:38:00.000-08:00

So 3D movies has become quite the big deal recently and its a trend that won't go a way for a while. Unfortunately Hollywood is attracted to gimmicks, and they are quick to swamp the market with attempts to make a quick buck.So while paroosingthe Wikipedias i came across a list of movies that will be released in 3D and all i have to say is WHY?Here's the list and why they're stupid:

1.Saw VII-Don't get me wrong, the Saw franchise is the best horror movie series out there, because it had a "coherent" story line. Making a 3D Saw is almost as bad as putting Jason Voorhees in space.

2.Jackass 3D-Do i really need to go into detail as to why this is a bad idea? Sure there are some funny gags they do, but if you've seen the worst of their stunts involving bodily fluids then you'll understand why this film shouldn't be made, i don't want to see 3D vomit.

3.Step Up 3D-A big draw of 3D is one of two things, either stuff is constantly flying at you or it gives the film a field of depth making it more visually alluring. What is Step Up gonna do? have the dancers jump at the camera over and over again?

4.Piranha 3D-What can fish possibly do in 3D that they can't do in 2D? I really don't have much else to say about that one.

So there you have just a few of the "wonderful" movies you can see in glorious 3D! I don't know about you but i cant' wait until i see gore, vomit, sweaty dancers, and fish thrown at me IN 3D!

"The Tonight Show" Gets Less Funny

2010-01-12T19:25:00.001-08:00

This whole NBC "Late Night" debacle may be partially resolved but with a slightly depressing twist. Conan O'Brien, host of "The Tonight Show", has announced he will not continue to host the talk show if it is moved to midnight to accomodate the "Jay Leno Show."

The late night comedian issued a statement citing his main reason leaving was that he "cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its(The Tonight Show's) destruction." O'Brien also said that NBC didn't give him, unlike previous hosts, enough time to build a dedicated fan base.As for rumors of moving to another channel O'Brien said "I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next." NBC has yet to say if this plan will come to pass but with the threat of losing O'Brien, hopefully they'll reconsider. It may just be me but i've thought that Leno is just not that funny, sure he had some good skits, but overall O'Brien just seems more enjoyable. Unlike Jay Leno he doesn't need things like "Headlines" or "Jay Walking" to be funny, he just has a funny personality. NBC can be given credit for trying something new, but if this ends with "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" again, i will have no reason to watch it, and they have lost more then they could gain.